Ah, your poem doesn't deserve silence, does it.
I'm not one for overly poetic language, but find lines like 'I give a fuck
about fucking you' a little uninteresting - the poem is better without it
and the preceding line. I appreciate your attitude and you should keep it
here, or else it is a different poem, but the shirtfront tackle of the
reader is offputting.
Maybe a direct Stones' quote put in as a quote in italics would show
the period and the no-brainer aspect.
In the second line you say 'us'. Is that a vernacular use meaning 'me'?
2008/10/27 Kenneth Wolman <[log in to unmask]>
> AND I TOOK HER HOME
> an inept liar promising nothing would happen because
> she'd fought us off for weeks and I'd grown tired
> of sticking to my underwear from another unfinished
> lunch hour rolling on the ground in the local park
> Betty I don't give a fuck about your fiance
> I give a fuck about fucking you
> so when she went home with me
> of course what would happen was a no-brainer
> like the Stones song I had no expectations
> only hope of fabulous what we got
> no strings though I am not Richard Kiley and
> she could never have passed for Diahann Carroll,
> but it was everything it should have been
> and I idiot have been chasing that moment ever since
> forty years when nobody owed the other
> no obligation a (yes) fucking dreamworld
> and you could still smoke in bed afterwards.
> (I suppose I'll try anything once even if it monotonous crassness.)
> Ken Wolman http://bestiaire.typepad.com
> "I have been watching you; you were there, unconcerned perhaps, but with a
> strange distraught air of someone forever expecting a great misfortune, in
> sunlight, in a beautiful garden."--Maurice Maeterlinck, Pelleas et Melisande