Doug, the 3-line ending affected me deeply, for memory's sight as well as
the odd-beautiful connect between autumn leaves [colour and life-getting]
and the sun. Anthropo with tenderness and lingering thought/image:
"today leaves glow
announce their attachment
still to the brilliant sun"
I wish you could've so poetically described last night's full moon deepset
in a space empty of ring-around clouds----a russet-tinged halo 'round the
moon. lovely lovely
jbp
2008/9/18 Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]>
> will definitely think on that, Frederick; thanks, & to Sheila, too.
>
> Doug
>
> On 17-Sep-08, at 3:36 PM, Frederick Pollack wrote:
>
> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Douglas Barbour" <
>> [log in to unmask]>
>> To: <[log in to unmask]>
>> Sent: Wednesday, September 17, 2008 5:27 PM
>> Subject: early autumn snap
>>
>>
>> gold & orange already
>>> overreach the green
>>> through the river valley
>>>
>>> today leaves glow
>>> announce their attachment
>>> still to the brilliant sun
>>>
>>> 17/IX/08
>>>
>>> Douglas Barbour
>>>
>>>
>> Beautiful, but I think you should drop the fourth line. The reader knows
>> that "gold and orange" are leaves. Saying "leaves" weakens the metaphor,
>> and "glow" is a) included in, and b) much less interesting than,
>> "overreach." You might give "still" its own, a new fifth, line.
>>
>
> Douglas Barbour
> [log in to unmask]
>
> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
>
> Latest books:
> Continuations (with Sheila E Murphy)
> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664
> Wednesdays'
>
> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com/2008/03/new-from-aboveground-press_10.html
>
> Language is sound as sense.
> Music is sound as sound.
>
> R. Murray Schafer
>
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