For years I was locked into myself, I really did not acknowledge
others outside myself. I was so locked into myself that I nearly drove
my wife mad. This is no exageration, her breakdown preceded mine and
hers was partly due, I think, to my behaviour.

After my divorce and therapy, I now find it easier to let others in,
also to reach out and try and connect. However, I have a continual
struggle to balance my conflicting needs: the needs of my overly
complex inner-life, my need to make connections with others and my
need to make art. Sometimes one wins, sometimes the other does. My
current plan is 1. save  money, 2. go back to art school, 3. become a
famous artist, somewhere on the scale of picasso. The only college
that awards substantial bursaries is the Slade. Umm. That's going to
take more work than Glasgow although I think I know what to do now.

I've never played golf.

Roger

On Fri, Jul 4, 2008 at 4:13 AM, Janet Jackson <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> one more thing I have thought about this... on re-reading...
>
> Some people are cut out for relationships and commitment, devoting their
> lives to one other person, and some are not. Some are more interested in
> working. For me, poetry and music are the love of my life and no man can
> ever get between us. I wish I'd realised that a bit earlier! (I will add
> that my kids are my second great love, and no man can ever get in the way of
> that one, either)
>
> Hmmm.. maybe one day I will have a relationship with a man who shares my
> love of the Muse and we can love it together while loving each other. *That*
> might work, long-term.
>
> All right, who's going to tell me I'm talking out of my arse?
>
> Janet
>
> 2008/7/4 Judy Prince <[log in to unmask]>:
>
>> I'm proud of you, Dom, not the least for your having brought me to weeping.
>>
>> The other "proud" is for your appreciating (a word that, to me, means what
>> I
>> think many people call "love") your children and wife and parents.  In case
>> you hadn't noticed, the everyday, miraculous action of being appreciated
>> also applies to you.
>>
>> Best,
>>
>> Judy
>>
>>
>> 2008/7/3 Dominic Fox <[log in to unmask]>:
>>
>> > On Thu, Jul 3, 2008 at 9:35 PM, Judy Prince
>> > <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>> > > Dom,
>> > >
>> > > I feel your pain, as someone here in the USA frequently says.
>> >
>> > Mine is more of a gripe. There are twinges. It isn't agony. There are
>> > rewards and consolations. The more significant of these are
>> > immeasurable: you just can't weigh them against anything you think
>> > you've lost, even personal dignity, freedom of movement, buying
>> > power...
>> >
>> > > When my son was 11, I suddenly recognised that he was A Person.
>> >
>> > My son is precocious. He's 8, and he's one already.
>> >
>> > >  And, sadly,  I was monumentally ignorant at being a
>> > > wife.
>> >
>> > That is a strangely lovely and consoling thing to hear. I think it's
>> > hard to be a spouse. Wifing and husbanding (husbandry? well, that
>> > takes us into an old sexist field of metaphor...) are not at all
>> > straightforward occupations. We start from a position of utter
>> > ignorance, and take far longer than we should at advancing beyond
>> > that. Ten years into the relationship, eight years into parenthood,
>> > six years into marriage, I have some rudimentary chops. I mean simple
>> > things, basic courtesies and kindnesses, the most tentative steps
>> > outside the circle of self-interest. It doesn't come naturally. Even
>> > though I think my parents are kind people, and have been kind to each
>> > other over the years, less of it rubs off than should. You really do
>> > have to learn for yourself.
>> >
>> > Dominic
>> >
>>
>
>
>
> --
> Janet Jackson <[log in to unmask]>
> www.proximity.webhop.net (Poetry)
> www.myspace.com/poetjj (Includes occasional arts & culture blog)
>
> The Line Mine, bulletin board for Perth poetry & spoken word:
> [log in to unmask]
> groups.yahoo.com/group/thelinemine
>
> Breastfeeding info & help: www.breastfeeding.asn.au
>



-- 
My Stuff: http://www.badstep.net/
"I began to warm and chill
to objects and their fields"
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds