----- Original Message -----
From: "andrew burke" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, March 05, 2008 9:16 PM
Subject: snap: hope and sandals revised
> shuffling yours and hours
>
> you come to a sudden cliff
>
> hot autumn winds make nerves
>
> jumpy and skin erupt
>
>
>
> take the easy way out
>
> and lie down or
>
> walk to the letterbox
>
> in hope and sandals
>
>
>
> today's snail dries out
>
> in the letterbox oven as
>
> the driveway burns your feet
> no news or cheques
>
>
>
> no matter tonight
>
> is the third episode of
>
> that gangland series
>
> just the ticket to
>
>
>
> take your mind off
>
> *
>
> I did dabble with various other endings, but they all seemed contrived. It
> always wanted to end 'take your mind off' which I like as a single line.
> Any
> thoughts are welcome.
>
> --
> Andrew
I like this very much. "yours and hours" is fresh and unsettling; makes the
reader attentive, prepared for puns and paradoxes. Which justifies -
barely - the strange "hot autumn," and prepares us for the enjoyable "take
the easy way out / and lie down" and "no news or cheques // no matter."
Only suggestion: drop the word "jumpy."
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