Hmm, I've always thought anything one writes to
be a draft--somewhere between and including the first
draft and the final one. (To the extent that anything is final,
of course.)
But then sometimes a cold beer is a draft too.
Hal
"We are the zanies of sorrow."
--Oscar Wilde
Halvard Johnson
================
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On Mar 26, 2008, at 10:25 AM, David Bircumshaw wrote:
> Hi Martin
>
> well I wrote it yesterday so I think it qualifies as a draft.
>
> I'm not wild about the first line, it could get absorbed into an
> eventual
> (final) title. Perhaps. I do sometimes write "social historical"
> poetry but
> it's not easy to incorporate the necessity of facts within the
> requirements
> of poetry. Such facts tend to be lumpy and arrhythmical. Like
> handling great
> globs of wet sticky clay.
>
> best
>
> Dave
>
> On 26/03/2008, Martin Dolan <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>
>> Hi Dave
>>
>> Not the sort of thing idea, but if this is a draft, it's a good one.
>>
>> I like the way you contrast the specificity of the 1848 events with
>> the
>> vagueness/fadedness of the link to you. The interplay of images
>> (such as
>> between the fuse of the Manifesto and the firedamp) works well for me
>> (had to check up on Kossuth, though).
>>
>> I'm not sure about the first line - even if it's necessary in
>> light of
>> the title. Also not sure about co-patrilineal: trying to compress to
>> much into the line, maybe?
>>
>> If you've got more like these, I'd like to see them.
>>
>> Regards
>>
>>
>> Martin
>>
>>> Circum circa
>>>
>>> Circa a European Year of Revolutions,
>>> of Kossuth and Cavour and Louis Napoleon's Eighteenth Brumaire,
>>> when Chartists massed, faintly tinted in life colours,
>>> in the first known crowd photograph
>>> and a grim economist fused a hissing manifesto,
>>> one man found everything to lose,
>>> one man preserved
>>>
>>> by the Heanor and District Historical Society,
>>> one man who might have been
>>> co-patrilineal
>>>
>>> to this one, scribbling here, a bone trace of age unstated,
>>> Joseph of my surname, asphyxiated (circa)
>>> 1848 at a firedamp lit hard seam at Loscoe pit.
>>>
>>>
>>
>
>
>
> --
> David Bircumshaw
> Website and A Chide's Alphabet
> http://homepage.ntlworld.com/david.bircumshaw/
> The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html
> Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.co.uk
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