Yes, I agree with that, and would say further that I'd drop 'other' before
years. It is not necessary and sounds awkward to my ears there. Or, change
'years' to 'times' or another word.
But I like it, I like it. When I make suggestions I worry that the poet
thinks I don't like it, but if I'm making suggestions, that's a sure sign
that I *do like it!
Andrew
On 13/03/2008, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> I think you're right here, Tad, just drop the word, & the implication
> is clear. I agree that the turn at the end is neatly done....
>
> Doug
> On 12-Mar-08, at 8:59 AM, TheOldMole wrote:
>
> > I'd stay away from testosterone as a synoym for male -- it's been
> > overdone in recent years, and is it accurate? Isn't the production
> > of testosterone associated with the onset of puberty?
> >
> > I like the way it ends, and I like how short it is. You'vce captured
> > a moment, and glimpsed beyond that moment. I like that the stanza
> > break moves us into the realization of the quid pro quo -- that she
> > makes the wheel is her price of admission into the boys' game (as it
> > would be, also, for the youngest boy, the one farthest away from the
> > testosterone surge).
> >
> > Heather Taylor wrote:
> >> Fox & Geese
> >>
> >> I was always one of the first
> >> Stomping the ground
> >> Flattening snow in a perfect wheel
> >> Spokes radiating out from its core.
> >>
> >> Only boys played this, the boys and me
> >> The unofficial member of the testosterone clan,
> >> Circling each other in our game of fox catch goose
> >> Sometimes me the pursuer, sometimes them
> >> The thoughts of kisses left for other years.
> >>
> >>
> >
> > --
> > Tad Richards
> > http://www.opus40.org/tadrichards/
> > http://opusforty.blogspot.com/
> >
> > The moral is this: in American verse,
> > The better you are, the pay is worse.
> > --Corey Ford
> >
>
> Douglas Barbour
> [log in to unmask]
>
> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
>
> Latest book: Continuations (with Sheila E Murphy)
> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664
>
> to rid me of
> the ugh in
> thought
> i spell anew
> weave the world
> out of the or
> binary
>
> bpNichol
>
--
Andrew
http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/aburke/
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