Thank you, Doug, and I may play with this a bit --
it raises a question for me, though: I write for the page, as well as for
the ear. That is, I notice how it *looks* on the page, and try to address
both sound/ rhythm and form with my line breaks. Your suggestion, of course,
would require an entire reworking to accomplish this.
I know that not everyone writes this way.
I'm wondering what others consider as they write?
--
~ SB | http://www.sbpoet.com | =^..^=
On 1/9/08, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> This is different; this is good, Sharon. Although I'd maybe drop then
> 'There is' there.
>
> Doug
> On 8-Jan-08, at 7:38 PM, sharon brogan wrote:
>
> > Whisper
> >
> > Listen. It's a new moon night. There is no light to be heard
> > falling on fresh snow. Snow drifting down so quietly you hear
> > nothing. Listen. Distant electric humming under the evening
> > silence. A fountain trickles beneath the ice. Far away, geese
> > call to one another across the slow river. Listen harder. Do you
> > hear it? The crackling of stars, colliding starlight, high, higher,
> > in the dimming, snow-speckled night. That hiss. That whisper.
> >
> > --
> >
> >
> > ~ SB | http://www.sbpoet.com | =^..^=
> >
> >
> Douglas Barbour
> 11655 - 72 Avenue NW
> Edmonton Ab T6G 0B9
> (780) 436 3320
> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
>
> Latest book: Continuations (with Sheila E Murphy)
> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664
>
> You need someone to lead you to ruin,
> but I'm not the one. See the neighbours.
>
> John Newlove
>
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