You are right -- twice -- I *am* on a roll, and the end is weak.
Maybe:
...
You wake in the fog of morning, slanted
bars of light on the ceiling. These images
wrap the shoulders of your waking hours,
this shawl you wear through your long days.
On 1/7/08, Janet Jackson <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> You're on a roll, Sharon!
>
> I like this until the ending where the lost lover/parent/whoever is
> introduced. For me that reduces the power of the poem, because I think,
> oh,
> it's just another lost-love poem, whereas until that point there are a
> whole
> range of possibilities.
>
> Janet
>
>
>
--
~ SB | http://www.sbpoet.com | =^..^=
|