I agree. Though I have one technical comment. After reading your poem a
few times, the title seems redundant. I think the poem might be slightly
improved if you made it an untitled work simply starting with the first
line. But I wouldn't suggest turning the first line into the title.
Barry
On Wed, 19 Dec 2007 11:34:35 +0100, Anny Ballardini
<[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>this is your most beautiful snap, Patrick!
>
>On Dec 19, 2007 10:13 AM, Patrick McManus <[log in to unmask]>
>wrote:
>
>> SEA
>>
>> the sea
>> of sadness
>> is on the turn
>> is coming
>> relentlessly in
>> and
>> his little
>> beflagged
>> sandcastles
>> of happiness
>> will be washed
>> away again
>>
>>
>> pmcmanus
>> q173
>>
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