Thank you for calling iTest. All our operators are busy at present, but your call is important to us. Please select from the following options:
For blood test results, press 1
For "I'm an alcoholic- test me" press 2 several times
For "I'm a hypochondriac so can I have everything done?" press 3
For "I just read about this on the Intranet, and I think I should have it done" press 4
For "I want an FOB done, where do I put the sample?" press 5 and wash your hands.
For "I think I'm paranoid - test me" press 6, 6, 6, and wait for the clicking noises to stop before speaking clearly.
For interpretation of your results and sound clinical advice, please hang up.
Oh, and a happy Christmas to everyone too.
Mrs. J. Still,
Watford General Hospital. 01923-217998.
The views expressed in this message are personal and do not reflect West Herts NHS Hospitals Trust policy.
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