'Full stops'? 'Commas'? What? This poem has great thrust - I'd throw
some of the commas away! But the pace of it is orchestrated by this
structure and the score that is heard in the poet's head is
re-presented here on the 'page' ... Read it out aloud - great.
Thanks, Peter, I enjoyed it muchly.
Andrew
On 03/11/2007, Roger Day <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> I like this poem. but one small thing, a lot of commas.
>
> On 11/2/07, Peter Ciccariello <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > This disappeared winter of the poet
> >
> > Seven years and bones that guard the house
> > Go past the airports, go past the books, the recorded age
> > Slough off this disappeared winter of the poet,
> > Disambiguate the snow, this absolutely pale, white,
> > Shimmering snow, now disfiguring the black mirror of the sea
> > You and your guards in your stumbling, in your flight out of the tunnel,
> > Drowning inside this house that refuses to agree to daylight,
> > A house bereft of the instruments of seconds, hours and days
> > Until this day, this recorded age the frozen newspapers, bones that agree
> > Drowning this poet, this falling time leaving newspapers, cemeteries
> > Joyfully enlisted bird crews shaking this winter of a man
> > Free almost as a promise of redemption
> > The man that statues the disfigured bachelor
> > Living his winter out in a house of drowning poetry
> > We agreed to shut down the pages, the words, anything
> > That could be that precise
> > This is how we survive, dark, cold and dying
> > In the apoplectic curse of our apathy
> >
> > - Peter Ciccariello
> > http://poemsfromprovidence.blogspot.com/
> >
>
>
> --
> My Stuff: http://www.badstep.net/
> "In peace, sons bury their fathers. In war, fathers bury their sons."
> Roman Proverb
>
--
Andrew
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