actually there's nothing here to critique really. it's very very smooth.
On 21/08/2007, Lynda Nash <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Hi, thanks for all your comments and suggestions about my poem. I've left
> Emily sitting in her window for now and I'm goign to work on something
> I've been quite busy these last few weeks and this is another poem I came
> up with. Feel free to tear!
> Not Enough
> You said you felt trapped
> so I loaned you books on love and romance,
> cut pictures from magazines
> of happy couples smiling, holding hands,
> raving about their grandchildren.
> I made black coffee and talked about the weather,
> the neighbours,
> the effect divorce would have on the kids.
> Whenever I could I kept you in my sight.
> Studied the way you dressed,
> the way your eyes always peered over my shoulder
> looked for subtle changes in your expression only a friend would notice.
> I tracked your movements,
> your route to work, to the park,
> how long it took you to get to the shops (two minutes more than it did
> And when I couldn't find you
> I hoped it was enough to hold you
> until the next time we met.
> But it wasn't
> so I pulled out all the stops.
> Organised nights out
> to the theatre, cinema, the local bingo hall.
> Encouraged you to take up painting, gardening, yoga,
> anything to keep your attention from wandering.
> Your husband wasn't happy.
> Said we spent too much time together.
> So I drew back.
> It was then you escaped.
> Now you live in the 'suburbs' with what's-his-name.
> You take in ironing
> and walk the streets rattling a tin for Women's Aid.
> Or so I've heard.