Fine, fine. But I recommend this. One must have a garment that has 32
pockets -- one for each county in Ireland.
Here's my kit. And I am glad that I brought it here.
*The 32 Pockets of Bertrand O'Toole*
Pocket #1: A purse, of the "small change" type formerly carried
by misers and presidents of Standard Oil, black, distressed leather,
used for holding mechanical moths which when released cry "Help me.
Help me, Neighbor!" Used when impersonating Old Scratch and
for moments of merriment when attending Board Meetings.
Pocket #2: "The Jest Book of the Dead" -- a compendium of jokes
guaranteed to crack up the Dead. "Why did the chicken cross the
road? To get to the Other Side." &c.
Pocket#3: A set of knuckledusters and a scimitar.
Pocket#4: A set of cock's wattles.
Pocket#5: Devil's Glen Scotch -- for private consumption.
Pocket#6: Quizzing glasses
Pocket#7: A folding tent for privacy while changing one's bad breeches
Pocket#8: My shadow, the Count Chiasimo
Pocket#9 A complete "artificial glen" with rocks, and artificial
moon , and forester's station. Excellent for achieving the effect
of the sublime without going out-of-doors.
Pocket#10: A sad Rilkean mirror.
Pocket#11: A list off all elements as they should be arranged in
benevolent natural order.
Pocket#12 My special scents (in silver flasks) -- "Water Frozen by
Boredom" -- "Theological Scruples"
Pocket#13 Swiss Army Knife with Unix workstation.
Pocket #14: An ingenious self-defending peacock
Pocket#15: Instructions for completing my tomb.
Pocket#16: A Ventroloquist's "Helper" -- Recordings for Divers
Occasions, especially cries to put in the mouths of enemies --
"God Bless Captain Vere!" "Les jeux sont faits!" &c
Pocket#17: A Little Devil
Pocket#18: A tuningfork for snoring
Pocket#19: A silk ladder for descending from boudoirs
Pocket#20: A bellygun stolen from a crusty old toper.
Pocket#21: A set of gingerbread noses.
Pocket#22: The star called Childsbottom.
Pocket#23: A faded 1860 print of Goethe ascending the Brocken
Pocket#24: A shrivelled potato
Pocket#25: Instructions for broiling steaks on one's tongue
Pocket#26: Begob the Bobwob -- chalk drawing
Pocket#27: A basilisk awaiting further orders
Pocket#28: A Pocket Guide to the Vilest Bonzes (1879 edition)
Pocket#29: Game Ball for the Current Universe
Pocket#30: A collection of sock holes -- includes holes from the hose
of the Bride of Lammermoor and the Mother of the Maccabees.
Pocket#31: Ravishing thoughts and sentimental correspondance
Pocket#32: The Royal Academy of Berlin, countless butterflies swarming
over a shreiking entablature, Shelley's children, a peanut butter
On 11/15/07, kasper salonen <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> hee haw.
> and bring your snowshoes & a couple quarts of vodka if you're in Finland
> On 15/11/2007, Halvard Johnson <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > Sonnet: Your Emergency Preparedness Kit
> > What you'll need in your kit, of course, depends on the kind
> > of emergency you plan to have and where you plan to have it.
> > If you're in France and plan to have an emergency on the road
> > be sure to take along a corkscrew, five bottles of wine, three or
> > four baguettes, some fine, pungent cheese, and a red and white
> > checkered tablecloth. In much of the rest of Europe and in Cali-
> > fornia, mostly the same. In Latin America, much the same. But
> > in Canada be sure to have a charged cell phone, and in the US
> > a fistful of credit cards, and your Triple-A card. A six-pack of beer
> > would be a comfort. In many parts of the world you can rely on
> > friendly locals to pull you out of a ditch, give you a push, or carry
> > you, your wife and kids off to a nearby clinic or hospital. In case
> > of serious injuries, it's a good idea to have several units of blood
> > for each of you. And in Texas, of course, you're on your own.
> > Hal
> > Halvard Johnson
> > ================
> > [log in to unmask]
> > http://home.earthlink.net/~halvard/index.html
> > http://entropyandme.blogspot.com
> > http://imageswithoutwords.blogspot.com
> > http://www.hamiltonstone.org
> > http://home.earthlink.net/~halvard/vidalocabooks.html
The Pleasant Reviewer
Headmaster, St. John Boscoe Laboratory School
Switchboard Captain, Hollywood Colonial Hotel
All complaints shall be directed to:
The Fallows, 200 Fifth Avenue, Fredonia City
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