Sharon the ending has power, but I think would be much more effective
if you could find a way to say the things in stanzas 2 & 4 without
using either the 'I' or that passive voice. Then the 'I' at the end
welcoming or admitting or whatever would be much more forceful....
Doug
On 26-Sep-07, at 4:29 PM, sharon brogan wrote:
> The dogs bark
> at intruders.
> Which everyone is.
> Which anyone is.
>
> I am deflated,
> empty even of air.
> Vacant. Hollow.
> Wordless.
>
> The sun shines
> the goldfinch sings
> on the other side
> of the window.
>
> I open the shutters,
> close them. What
> is on the other side
> of this wall?
>
> I am uninhabited.
> Come in.
>
> --
>
>
> ~ SB | http://www.sbpoet.com | =^..^=
>
>
Douglas Barbour
11655 - 72 Avenue NW
Edmonton Ab T6G 0B9
(780) 436 3320
http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
Latest book: Continuations (with Sheila E Murphy)
http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664
When you combine two unique voices
it creates a third, phantom voice.
Emmy Lou Harris
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