I like it...more later but this
I stroke a summer-sour throat in this applehard air,
tears in my eyes for the hill-happy cold.
is too much. I mean the DTesque applehard and hill-happy and even summer-sour. These phrases too trapped in all of that Fern Hill country to work for me.
And applehard specifically doesn't work...or I can't make it work. What would it mean...I think maybe you want to suggest air "hard" with the scent of apples (and so Autumn...)
kasper salonen <[log in to unmask]> wrote: autumn has become some sort of a 'channeling season' or just a
favourite time of year for me, when I've usually written the most &
felt most at home. I tried to bring out the anticipation of that time
in this poem, and I'd like to hear any & all reactions. critique if
available. this is the third iteration of the poem, but it's more than
open to future ones if necessary.
here we are..
http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dfr8jjpv_37g85kt3
KS
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