Got an e-mail this morning. All it said was "Clean." That's all it had to say.
I've been getting an identical message each day for the past week.
It began that morning. The word I had selected for the day happened to be
"edify." I am at the checkout desk in the library. Behind me comes Debby (not her real
name) with a "hi Schmier." I turn.. She hugs me. I return her hug. We chat. Then, I
consciously and intentionally ask her, "Clean?"
That word casts a sudden shadow over her face as if a cloud had suddenly blocked
out the sunlight. Her smile suddenly disappears. Her head drops like a millstone had
been suddenly draped around her neck. Her eyes go to the floor. Her voice lowers to a
whisper. She sadly answers, "No."
"Well, what are you going to do about it?" I ask softly but firmly. "You're
better than that."
"I know."
"Don't give yourself that excusing get-out-of-my-face 'I know' stuff. What are
you going to do about it? Honestly.
"Start again?"
"Is that a question or a promise?"
"Are you disappointed in me?"
"Are you disappointed in you?"
She nodded her head, "Yes."
"Well, that's the person you have to stop letting down. Look in the mirror and
talk to her about starting again. Is your 'Start again' a question or a promise."
"A promise."
"To whom?"
"Me."
"I know you can do it. You've done it. Now you just have to know it again."
We hugged. I noticed her hug was a tad tighter than a few minute earlier. A
"Maybe" silently flashed inside of me. That night, I unexpectedly received an e-mail from
her. I'll just say, it told me the power of a one, sincere, caring word. It was from
Debby:
I was so happy I finally saw you! It has been so long. You kind of took me
off guard when you asked me if I was clean, but I'm glad you did ask....I
know I can't get someone to like me by doing something that I really don't
like doing and I don't like myself for doing. It's already effecting my
studies.
I don't know why I do it. No, that's a lie. I do know. I just don't
trust that
anyone would like me for who I am. You're the only one so far who
believes
in me....Well, damn, and it's a good damn, if you won't stop caring I
guess I
have to start caring for me all over again. This is Day One of me caring
about
myself again and being clean. I won't try. I'll do it. If it's okay
with you, you'll
hear from me everyday.
Isn't it amazing how one word of caring almost instantly shored up a student's
flagging confidence and inspired her to renew her struggle the climb to her summit and
regain the heights from which she had tumbled. As I read Debby's words, I felt a rush of
being intensely alive. Some get that feeling from climbing mountains or racing cars or
bungee jumping or sky diving or doing other daredevil things. I get it from that feeling
of satisfaction and fulfillment of having made a difference by treating someone as a human
being and noticing it while it's happening.
I just told someone that the highest reward for caring for a student as a human
being is what you become by it. It's never a waste a time, whatever the result, caring
makes you a more caring, happier, and better person yourself. Each morning, I hear a
voice asking me, "Will you live a life of meaning today?" To answer that question, I pick
a "renewal and resilience" word for the day and consciously start out with the intention
of treating someone as a human being, of making someone feel noticed, cared about,
special, and appreciated. Doing that doesn't really change people and things for me, but
it does change me for things and people. At the end of the day, as I'm walking home to
have that quiet glass of wine with Susan during our daily "special time," I take inventory
of myself. I always ask myself as I often ask others in workshops and conference
presentations, "Hey, Schmier, did you lead your life today in a way that helped others
feel special and appreciated? Have you allowed a moment to go by in which you could have
said something to a student or colleague or staff person that would have meant so much to
them? What is one thing you said or did today that made another person felt more special
and appreciated?” Last Monday I delivered as I didn't expect.
And, what a difference that makes!
Make it a good day.
--Louis--
Louis Schmier http://therandomthoughts.edublogs.org/
Department of History http://www.newforums.com/Auth_L_Schmier.asp
Valdosta State University www. halcyon.com/arborhts/louis.html
Valdosta, Georgia 31698 /\ /\ /\ /\
(229-333-5947) /^\\/ \/ \ /\/\__/\ \/\
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//\/\/ /\ \__/__/_/\_\ \_/__\
/\"If you want to climb mountains,\ /\
_ / \ don't practice on mole hills" -
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