There now, I feel that those last 2 lines gain from being a couplet, because
of the stanza break above. I might even consider, if this one were mine,
putting in another blank line between them, just to see what it does to the
walls and the sudden emptiness. These things can always be taken out again,
but it's often worth trying them to see what they do to the climate of a
poem.
(But I bet you've already tried these things, Sharon!)
joanna
----- Original Message -----
From: "sharon brogan" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, September 27, 2007 7:37 AM
Subject: Re: snapshot 26 september 02007- REVISION
> The dogs bark
> at intruders.
> Which anyone is.
>
> The goldfinch sings
> on the other side
> of the window.
>
> I open the shutters,
> close them. Is there
> another side
>
> to this wall?
> I am uninhabited.
> Come in.
> *****************
>
> Thank you, Andrew & Kasper.
>
> I have credited you both on my post:
> http://www.sbpoet.com/2007/09/snapshot-26-sep.html
>
>
>
> --
>
>
> ~ SB | http://www.sbpoet.com | =^..^=
>
|