"Aloof" doesn't (necessarily) mean "impervious," but
rather "distant," "removed," and "INDIFFERENT." Keep
it, I say.
Candice
--- Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Thanks Frederick
>
> Consider your suggestions considered. I didn't have
> the ;lit' there at
> first, then thought it might add; if it doesn't, as
> you suggest, then
> it should go, yes.
>
> and yes, you're right about 'aloof' -- too much
> there, thanks.
>
> Doug
> On 28-Jun-07, at 3:57 PM, Frederick Pollack wrote:
>
> > I like this a lot, Doug. Fast rhythm /
> alliteration in stanza 3, w/
> > "small" in last stanza picking up "squall." If I
> may make 2
> > suggestions: you don't need "lit" in st. 2; and in
> 4, "aloof" =
> > "impervious": how about simply "the male's white
> head"? The
> > distinction "World"/"Planet" very nicely poses,
> opens the door on,
> > what follows.
> Douglas Barbour
> 11655 - 72 Avenue NW
> Edmonton Ab T6G 0B9
> (780) 436 3320
> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
>
> Latest book: Continuations (with Sheila E Murphy)
> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664
>
>
> God be with you, my dears. You keep
> the old bugger. I shan't be needing him!
>
> Norman Douglas (last words)
>
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