I agree, the longer lazier lines being more hypotactic, and the short
lines, paratactic.
I agree with Bob, too. Kasper's work is often brilliant word-wise, but
it often stops at that verbal brilliance. The rest of his poem's
structures - the form, the use of margins - seems to be of a more
traditional mode.
On 6/27/07, Janet Jackson <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> I don't usually follow links to poems (takes too long!),
> but as it's Kasper...
>
> I agree with Bob that this is good and with editing
> will be even better.
> I want to change it so that the tone of the poem matches
> the action more closely.
> I want... longer lazier lines in the beginning,
> when we're dreaming along the street,
> and short sharp flashes when we hit the event.
>
> Janet
>
> PS I too delete many more than I post
>
> > http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dfr8jjpv_22g7rz8z
>
> --------------------------------------------------------
> Janet Jackson <[log in to unmask]>
> Poems at Proximity: www dot proximity dot webhop dot net
>
> My life is like a movie
> that everyone but me has seen
> --------------------------------------------------------
>
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