yep, I get the same vibe. in fact I gave up on trying to make the
piece dynamic, & opted for passive grisliness instead. it's under
construction.
thanks Doug
KS
On 26/06/07, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Intriguing Kasper. I liked the first 2 stanzas, but as soon as the 'I'
> kicked in, I felt some softening of the energy of the thing. I cant
> point to any specific instance, although ' but I felt in my head a
> demon' is an example of what's bothering me. Something just slows the
> movement of the poem down then, & makes me want a bit of cutting, as
> you find your way to it (if you do).
>
> Doug
> On 26-Jun-07, at 9:49 AM, kasper salonen wrote:
>
> > http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dfr8jjpv_22g7rz8z
> >
> > KS
> >
> >
> Douglas Barbour
> 11655 - 72 Avenue NW
> Edmonton Ab T6G 0B9
> (780) 436 3320
> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
>
> Latest book: Continuations (with Sheila E Murphy)
> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664
>
>
> Light weighs
> light, to the hand,
> to the eye.
>
> Feel it
> in two places.
>
> Robert Creeley
>
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