that's too bad Andrew; the only smog I've experienced was in London in
the 90s, & even that a mild occurrence compared to what you're
describing. it sounds absolutely hazardous. maybe through romantic
goggles it could be seen more as mist? no? no.
thank you on the crit, I do agree & probably would've changed it soon.
thing is I wrote it a few minutes ago & it's 04:02. :)
KS
On 20/06/07, andrew burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> I like it, Kasper, but I don't see the use of the last verse. & I'd
> delete 'the foliage' and then the comma before, so it reads 'in the
> leafy branch stem / all amix-the window's / imperfections.'
>
> Just my thoughts this morning where I look out my window at the worst
> day I've seen in Linfen. The smog is thick, so thick I can't see
> neighbouring buildings except one ghostly outline. The light is dull
> as late evening at 8.20am!
>
> So, a tree through a window is a really nice image this morning, thank you.
>
> Andrew
>
>
> On 20/06/07, kasper salonen <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > dawn foils in a feather's approach:
> > through a tree
> > through a window.
> >
> > orange pale a reflection
> > in the leafy branch stem,
> > the foliage all amix¯the window's
> > imperfections.
> >
> > only hours earlier
> > out walking
> > the brook pooled light over a rock,
> > its current a white unstruck flame,
> > its bubbles thinning to foam
> > its smoke.
> >
> > back then, walking,
> > dawn surged yet
> > an unseen shepherd's track
> > & the sky leaped lax cloudy
> > with end-of-evening;
> > serving as a window phenomenon, then,
> > was the moon
> > & a star
> > through the leaves of a thicket.
> >
> > this is me sitting here dull¯
> > others make music, strife, & offhand loves.
> > nothing so re-placed, or parsing,
> > or passing.
> >
> > KS
> >
>
>
> --
> Andrew
> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> http://www.inblogs.net/hispirits
> http://www.flickr.com/photos/aburke/
>
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