hoorah for semantics. I didn't mean nice sounds (the sonics are quite
unremarkable), I just liked the word/image combinations of the second
stanza somewhat.
it's just that sounding nice is rarely enough, even if it sounds
REALLY nice, which this didn't. phrases like "casualties of elegant
madness" annoy me (not to mention "lines of unlimited want") because
they don't seem to refer to anything, or refer to something way
abstract, and sound interesting on one hand but inane on the other. it
reminds me of the type of poetry teenage writers tend to come up with.
the cutting-up is the basis here, sure. the technique is alien to me
as an idea (I like to come up with my own words; not to say that
'collage' poetry must necessarily be crap), maybe that has something
to do with it.
KS
On 31/05/07, Halvard Johnson <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Seems contradictory, KS. You got nice sounds
> out of it.
>
> Hal
>
> "I would horsewhip you if I had a horse."
> --Groucho Marx
>
> Halvard Johnson
> ================
> [log in to unmask]
> [log in to unmask]
> http://home.earthlink.net/~halvard
> http://entropyandme.blogspot.com
> http://imageswithoutwords.blogspot.com
> http://www.hamiltonstone.org
>
> On May 31, 2007, at 1:11 AM, kasper salonen wrote:
>
> > this makes no sense to me. sounds kind of nice, but I get nothing
> > out of it.
> >
> > KS
> >
> > On 31/05/07, Tina Bass <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >> I think I prefer it like this, without the original first line.
> >> Comments
> >> welcome. I'm quite tired. I may think differently tomorrow.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> lines of unlimited want cross
> >> casualties of elegant madness
> >>
> >> we watch for life as never before
> >> work out distress in golden clover
> >> treasure our remote-controlled triumph
> >>
> >>
> >> --------------------------------------------------------------
> >> [log in to unmask]
> >> http://www.fatmandancing.co.uk
> >> http://www.myspace.com/fat_man_dancing
> >>
>
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