Sharon, this was never about your poem, but rather
about Hal's and Patrick's incivility.
Candice
--- sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> umm -- i don't know if this is still about my poem,
> but i assure you that i
> do appreciate feedback, and did thank those that
> offered it. email is a poor
> translator of intention, but i hope roger knows that
> my response to him was
> in good humour.
>
>
> On 4/9/07, MC Ward <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >
> > "These people" are offering help (as they/we
> assume
> > from the posted poems is what's wanted). Who can
> draw
> > the line between more and less help? In any case,
> a
> > polite thank you seems indicated.
> >
> > Candice
> >
> >
> >
> > --- Patrick Mc Manus
> <[log in to unmask]>
> > wrote:
> >
> > > Roger These people who are cursed with wanting
> to
> > > rewrite other peoples
> > > snaps!!!!!! Ban them that's what I say :-)
> > > Patrick de raynes park
> > >
> > > -----Original Message-----
> > > From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics
> > > [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
> > > Behalf Of Roger Day
> > > Sent: 08 April 2007 17:37
> > > To: [log in to unmask]
> > > Subject: Re: snapshot -- revision
> > >
> > > how about this?
> > >
> > > Stepping into the morning
> > > waxwing symphonies and crow concertos
> > > air shivering, air trembling
> > > sandman cacophony crowding out the daylight
> > > ... why do we enter the future
> > > with the past in our deep night pockets
> > >
> > > although you may not want to go that far ...
> > >
> > > On 4/6/07, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
> > > > thank you all for your critiques on this
> piece.
> > > here is a revision, which
> > > i
> > > > think is an improvement. i agree with andrew
> that
> > > it would be good to take
> > > > the "I" from the first line, but can't see a
> way
> > > just yet:
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > I stepped from my house this morning,
> > > > head crowded with voices from dreams,
> > > > into shivering air, trembling air, symphonies
> > > > of waxwings and robins, a percussion
> > > > of crows ... Why do we enter the future
> > > > with the past in our night pockets? Trees
> > > > shook with squirrel passions; goldfish
> > > > drifted from the pond's dark bottom
> > > > into pale water. At dusk the mountains
> > > > were scarved with mist.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > On 4/4/07, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]>
> > > wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > I stepped from my house this morning,
> > > > > head crowded with voices from dreams,
> > > > > into shivering air, trembling air,
> symphonies
> > > > > of waxwings and robins, a percussion
> > > > > of crows ... Why do we enter the future
> > > > > with the past in our night pockets? Trees
> > > > > shook with squirrel passions; goldfish
> > > > > drifted from the pond's dark bottom
> > > > > up into pale water, reacquainting themselves
> > > > > with the surface. The day passed slowly.
> > > > > At dusk the mountains were scarved with
> mist.
> > > > >
> > > > > <http://www.sbpoet.com>
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > --
> > > > ~ SB =^..^=
> > > >
> > > > http://www.sbpoet.com
> > > >
> > >
> > >
> > > --
> > > My Stuff: http://www.badstep.net/
> > > "Patriotism is a virtue of the vicious." Oscar
> Wilde
> > >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
____________________________________________________________________________________
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> >
>
>
>
> --
> ~ SB =^..^=
>
> http://www.sbpoet.com
>
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