Cheers for the comments.
I wrote parts of it in my head, then committed a first draft to paper.
The elided sections seemed too ... romantic in their sounds. Some of
it was too full of pathos. I'm still unsure of tally.
Thanks everyone for indulging me in some real-time editing, a
performance of a sorts, I suppose.
Roger
On 4/27/07, andrew burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> It's come a whalloping great way from the first one, Rog3r! Good to be
> able to see you working on a poem. I'm in the lucky position of seeing
> the first and last at once due to time difference, if you know what I
> mean. I was befuddled by the first and wanted to sit with it before
> responding, but the final version (for now) is more direct, somehow
> saying more by being less. (Was there, in fact, earlier scribblings?
> Number One seemed more than a rough draft.) I even liked the
> 'concrete poem' below:
>
> On 27/04/07, Roger Day <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > On 4/26/07, Roger Day <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > > On 4/26/07, Roger Day <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > > > On 4/26/07, Roger Day <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > > > > On 4/26/07, Roger Day <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> There's a format someone could use.
>
> Androo
>
--
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