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PSYCH-POSTGRADS  March 2007

PSYCH-POSTGRADS March 2007

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Subject:

Re: Coping with a PhD... and a new baby

From:

Kathryn Jane Gardner <[log in to unmask]>

Reply-To:

Kathryn Jane Gardner <[log in to unmask]>

Date:

Thu, 1 Mar 2007 08:21:50 +0000

Content-Type:

text/plain

Parts/Attachments:

Parts/Attachments

text/plain (131 lines)

Hi Sofia,

Anna is right. This can be done. I share an office with someone who I
call "superwoman". During her PhD she has had 4 children, but she's
still here many years on, seeing it through to the end. And she takes
everything in her stride and is always so positive. I think her 2 eldest
are at school now and she has a stay at home child minder for the others
so she can come into the office and work in peace, or go out into the
community and collect data. Unlike me and many other PhD students, she
doesn't have the luxury of being able to take her PhD home with her due
to family commitments, but that doesn't mean it can't be done. It simply
means learning to juggle work and family life. Give it time and you too
will adapt and find a way of working and living that suits you. There
will be times when the baby won't sleep and so you can't either and so
your PhD work gets put to one side, but try not to panic; this is all
part of life. I am learning this at the moment. I too am moving into a
new house that needs lots of work, and initially I resented the time it
was taking away from my PhD, but people have tried to drum it into me
that life is never about having time to concentrate solely on one thing
at a time. New things come up to challenge us and make life interesting,
and the skill is learning to juggle what life throws at you. 

If you're struggling to keep on top of the house work then you're
certainly not alone. Babies seem to have that effect! If you can get
people to help out then do, but otherwise you'll soon learn to adapt and
be the fastest house cleaner there is! But in the grand scheme of things
don't panic if the hovering doesn't get done for 2 days. I think there
is the tendency for new mothers to worry so much that there houses look
like a bomb site, probably because they're so used to seeing them so
tidy. But don't put to much pressure on yourself. Let the hovering wait
and have a lie in one morning. Or if you find a quiet few hours when the
baby is sleeping, grab the opportunity to work on your PhD and whiz
round and do the cleaning later on. You'll probably feel more motivated
to tidy up once you've got some PhD work out the way and feel like
you're making progress in other areas.

And remember, if you need support talk to your fellow PhD students or
supervisors.

Good luck with it all, and Congrats on the new arrival!

Kathryn

>>> Sofia Barbosa Boucas <[log in to unmask]> 02/28/07
9:10 PM >>>
Dear All,

I've been thinking about writing an email to you all for a while now and

I've finally found the courage.

I started my PhD at the beginning of January 2005. Half way through that

year I began to question my ability to do it, I felt I wasn't good
enough, 
I felt I was a fraud, people must be totally wrong about me skills and 
habilities and I've managed to fool them so well, etc. etc. etc.... By 
around September/October of year 1 I hadn't done almost anything, felt
even 
worse, and got help. I needed to sort myself out - I was procrastinating

like never before (I actually think I gave it a new meaning), and
feeling 
worse and worse. Then March 2006 came along and I got married. By then I

was back on my two feet, my confidence was back and I was ready to roll 
again. Then in May 2006 I found out I was pregnant...! Then in October
(and 
now if I could I wouldn't have agreed to it) we moved house - but we 
started getting out house ready for sale in July and looked for houses
then 
onwards. I worked through out my pregnancy - I had to suspend the PhD
from 
November 1st to April 30th, 2007 -, but managed to go to the department
and 
work all the way to the end of November. The baby was born on December 
21st, 15 days overdue...

So far, with a house looking like a war site (it needs decorating, etc. 
and, obviously, since the baby was born we haven't managed to do
anything 
about it!) and a baby to look after, I haven't managed to touch any 
of
my 
PhD stuff. I hate living among chaos, I don't seem to be able to do 
anything else but taking care of the baby, and I wish I could start
doing 
something now (or soon) and not when I need to go back to work. Also, I 
don't think I can do PhD work, taking care of baby, and do house work
(even 
if shared!) when I do get back to the department. The baby will be at 
nursery (at least for 3 days/week, so I can test) and I'm aiming to
work, 
when he's around, when he's asleep.

Can anyone share anything? Has any of you gone through something similar
or 
is going through something similar? I could really do with some advice, 
other experiences, etc... I'm really scared and don't know what to do. I

think I need someone to tell me that I can do it and all will be fine...

Thank you for listening.

Best wishes to you all,

Sofia

---------------
Sofia Barbosa Bouças
Full-time PhD Student (Calouste Gulbenkian Fundation Scholarship) &
Research Associate to Dr Rachel Mitchell
Honorary Research Fellow, Institute of Psychiatry, King's College,
University of London
Research Psychologist, Berkshire Healthcare NHS Trust

Correspondence Address:
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Telephone: +44(0)1183785285 / +44(0)1183788523, ext.: 5285
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