these images are all terribly bland to me. "v-shaped geese" &c.. there's no
feeling of inventiveness, which I think every good poem needs. this reads
like a pretty good country song (& that's not meant strictly as praise).
there are individual moments, "to sing with the drums" for instance. but the
flat symbols of reminiscing & the setup of pining for a lost loved one don't
appeal to me at all. sometimes those motifs do, but not unless they're done
exceptionally well.
KS
On 13/01/07, deborah russell <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> Your Long Eyes
>
> In the breaking voice of sparrows,
> I dream with the red brush;
> the clouds, hued with the eye of the sun,
> in the sky at the edge of mountains . . .
> The promise moon travels, far and wide,
> and raises the dust of your long eyes
> and the heaving breath of good news
> In your homeland, the sky is brightening
> Mingling in the flight of crows, a line
> of v-shaped geese in the distance, I
> walk the path, where buffaloes have gone,
> to sing with the drums, the moonlight and
> the breeze that ceases restless sorrow
> and unleashes the flight of the golden eagle…
>
> Deborah Russell, (c) 2007
>
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