Interesting little event. Nice little "snapshot" piece. I don't think
it needs any further changes, imho. Seems perfect enough to me; the
prose, almost chatty form is apt here. I could tell it or imagine you
telling it in a casual conversation that it wouldn't have been noticed
you said something in "verse". I wouldn't change a thing about it.
After all, it's not quite a psalm.
The event is simple and interesting, the language need not be
sophisticated and definitely it needs not distract, imho. Yes. I don't
feel it needs any "crits".
On 10/11/06, Jim Bennett <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> snapshot written when stripping wallpaper
> from the small back room today
> when we moved in seven years ago
> we said we would leave the room for storage
> until we had the time to do it properly
> and like a lot of things it got left
> when the paper was pulled away
> there on the bone bare Victorian plaster
> we found the impression
> of a child's outstretched hand
> palm and fingerprints still visible
> too small to be an adult
> graceful like a girls hand
> we wondered what became of her
> we sat on the plank
> between the ladders
> drinking tea
> thought of her in this room
> and while I wrote this down
> you hoped she'd had a happy life
Her Lust is Wiser is a book of verse by Biloxi Andersen and Ziad
Noureddine. It is part of ongoing diaries.