Andrew, I love this.
But I'm bothered by just one word, and that is "lady". Which she clearly
isn't, and the more real and true for that. Lady is a social construct;
ladies school their body language according to conventions which would be
totally irrelevant here. What she is is a woman, as your entire poem so
beautifully acknowledges
And many, many congratulations on your PhD!
very best
joanna
----- Original Message -----
From: "andrew burke" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, October 11, 2006 7:06 AM
Subject: Flaw in the Snap
Sorry! I used 'passed' and not 'past' in my Sweeping Lady poem.
Corrected version follows. Any comments to make the poem better would
be appreciated.
Sweeping Lady of Tiayuan
… shape of those bent shoulders
and the entire body language
speaks of resignation
this lady sweeping leaves away
under a weeping tree
as tourists by the hundred
walk past her, not noticing her,
staring at fading buildings,
weathered sculptures of wood and stone.
She is breathing on earth
the same air as they, but
working now, sweeping leaves …
Holy holy holy her autumn breath,
holy her work among the trees,
holy her head more than ceilings of temples,
her arms more holy than a winding dragon,
her visage than the warrior's metal face.
--
Andrew
http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
http://www.bam.com.au/andrew
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