World Issues
Revista Speak Up!! See link:- Revista Speak Up!! Non-Violent Communication
Non-Violent Communication
Algo que pode ser útil tanto para civilizar a rivalidade entre israelenses e
palestinos quanto para ajudar pais a educarem seus filhos com menos
transtornos: Speak Up entrevistou com exclusividade o criador da Comunicação
Não-Violenta.
Can you believe that Israelis and Palestinians, Arabs and Americans, and
even parents and children are learning to get along better(1)? Marshall
Rosenberg, an American living in Switzerland, was dissatisfied with his
psychology training, and was directed to the importance of keeping focused
on social structures and their capacity to create violence and other
illnesses. Therefore, he decided to study the dynamics of communication, and
developed a way of putting it in favor of social improvements. So
Non-Violent Communication was born. At the last World Social Forum, Speak Up
met with Marshall Rosenberg and also with Dominic Barter, who coordinates
the Brazilian branch of their NGO. We started by asking for a brief
definition of non-violent communication:
Marshall Rosenberg
Non-violent communication is a combination of things. First, an intention to
connect with people in a way in which everybody's needs get met(2) through
compassionate giving(3). So that's its intention. And then we show people
communication that helps to create that kind of connection, and strategies
for dealing with conflict that help to maintain that quality of connection
and giving.
Speak Up (German/British accent): And where has it been effective already?
Marshall Rosenberg: I work in about 40 countries. I think we could show you
how very effectively teams I've trained in Israel and Palestine have been
using it in many ways to promote peace in that region. For example, both of
our teams there are creating schools in which children are learning other
ways of dealing with(4) conflict besides violence.
Speak Up: So you don't teach mediators, you teach children... or both?
Marshall Rosenberg: Both! In fact, in our schools we teach children to be
mediators. And we have found that children from age 4 years old on can be
very easily trained to be good mediators. So we train police in Israel and
Palestine. We train doctors. But mostly, we train the general population,
that see non-violent communication as a powerful tool(5) of working for
peace. So some of the people in some of the countries want to go into the
schools. Some want to go into the government and use it there. So it's... it
has wide applicability, but all of the people are eager(6) to use it in
creating peace.
Speak Up: Could you tell me one story, one example, where it has been used,
and how?
Marshall Rosenberg: Well, a good example: I was in a refugee camp in a
country that is not very happy with the United States and though I now live
in Switzerland, I am from the United States, and when my interpreter was
introducing me in this refugee camp to a group of about 70 people, when one
of the people heard that I was originally from the United States, he jumped
to his feet(7) and screamed at me, "Murderer!" Now our training teaches us
how to see a person's humanness(8) regardless of(9) how they communicate, so
here is what I said back to this man when he called me a murderer: I said,
"Sir, are you feeling furious because your need for support isn't getting
met by my government?" See, our training shows how to see a person's
humanness by connecting with what they might be feeling and needing. Now
even if I had been wrong, this would have shown this man that I cared about
what was alive in(10) him. It happened that I guessed right. He said, "Yes,
you're right. Why are you sending weapons when we don't have housing, when
we don't have sewage(11)?" So I continued to hear his feelings and needs. I
said, "So, sir, if I am hearing you correctly, it's very painful(12) when
you have such basic needs not getting met, as food and shelter(13) and
sewage and then you see weapons being sent." He said, "You're darned(14)
right! Do you know what it's like to live under these conditions?" "So, sir,
you'd like some understanding of how painful that is." In another 40 minutes
he invited me to a Ramadan dinner at his house. So this is part of our
training, to show people how no matter how others are speaking with you, how
to hear their humanness and then it shows how, when we are speaking, how to
be honest without in any way criticizing, blaming(15), or demanding. But how
to be very honest.
Dominic Barter
Standard British
Accent
Dominic Barter added some more explanations on the NVC method:
Marshall has developed a way of communicating the mechanical aspects of the
work, which is very concise and clear and consists of four central
distinctions: [1 - ed.] the distinction between our ability to observe what
is actually happening and to observe our response to what is happening. All
of us are constantly having an opinion and a response to what we are seeing
around us, and the ability to distinguish between what it is that we are
seeing and what it is that we are responding is a key aspect(16) of
non-violent communication. And then, as he says, getting more into the heart
of the process, [2 and 3] what are we feeling and what is it that we are
wanting, to distinguish that from our ideas about what we're seeing and our
plans - our strategies - for meeting the needs that are either being met or
unmet in the situation that we're in front of. So these three distinctions
are a part of a very clear didactic model that helps people get in touch
with the first aspect of non-violent communication, which is the
consciousness(17) that our solutions that we are looking for are solutions
which include everybody's needs. And then the fourth aspect of that
four-part model is [4] the distinction between what we are asking for - what
we would like to see happen - and the threat(18) of punishment that is
sometimes hidden behind what we are asking for. So the distinction between
making a request to someone and making a demand(19).
And then those four distinctions serve this consciousness. They give us
access to that consciousness when we lose it. They remind us of what's not
working in our communication when we start to have tension or violence in
our relationships and they also work as an invitation to someone else to be
sharing the same kind of consciousness in their communication.
Speak Up: And how would that work in normal, everyday communication?
Marshall Rosenberg: Oh, parents are very eager to know how to use it with
their children, when their children say horrible things like "No!" when they
are asked to go to bed. And we show there the same thing - how to hear what
is the child feeling and needing when the child says "no." And if you hear
that, you might see that there's other ways of asking the child to do things
that might stimulate something other than a "no." And we show people how to
use it in their personal relationships with their husbands, wives, life
partners. Because many of the people are in a lot of pain about getting
their needs for affection met, and they only know how to get those needs met
by telling the other person what's wrong with them. And that just makes it
worse! So we show them how to use non-violent communication at home, at
work, but mostly we are, at the moment, interested in organizing with people
around the world who want to create radical social change.
Speak Up: Like what?
Marshall Rosenberg: Well, like a world where everyone's needs are getting
met. Where we have an economic system that is evaluated(20) by how well
people's needs are being met. And here in Brazil I am working with a team of
people that's very exciting to me, that are working for restorative
justice(21), a radically different kind of justice system that creates much
more peace and harmony in the community, rather than more violence. And I am
so glad to see such a very active team organized and that they see our
training as helpful in making this movement toward restorative justice.
One of our best projects is what we call our Freedom Project, and we go into
prisons and train prisoners in our training, and when they get out they go
into other prisons and train people in those other prisons what they have
learned that helped them find other ways of getting their needs met without
being violent to others. So that project is spreading(22) rapidly. It
started in the United States, it spread up to Canada, I just went with some
of those members that were now out of prison, and one of them went with me
recently to work with some prisons in Finland. Another one has been with me
working in Puerto Rico. So, yes, we're very interested in... That's part of
what I'm saying, we're starting to work with now in Brazil... is working
with prisoners in a different way as part of restorative justice.
Dominic then explained how NVC started in Brazil:
Non-Violent Communication's Marshall Rosenberg and Dominic Barter talking
things over with Leonardo Boff at the World Social Forum.
Dominic Barter: I coordinate a project with Marshall's organization, CNVC,
the Center for Non-Violent Communication, called the Portuguese Language
Project. And this project came out of the observation that NVC Non-Violent
Communication training was not available in the Portuguese language, so not
only in Brazil, but also in Angola, in Mozambique, in East Timor, and many
other areas of the world in which there's been a long history of internal
violent conflict, and there is now a huge(23) desire for peace and
sustainable resolutions(24) to the differences between people. We were very
keen(25) that when NVC began to be introduced here that we take care not to
simply translate English language material, but to rediscover how this would
work and how we might present it with people in Brazil. So the consciousness
is universal and it's the consciousness that we're interested in introducing
to people through the model, but the model obviously will have some small
differences in each culture we go to, so we rediscovered some of the key
ways in which we might describe these distinctions in developing the work
here in Brazil.
In order to understand better the rapid spread of Non-violent Communication,
we asked Marshall and Dominic for more information on motivation, deeper
feelings or experiences that they meet in their work:
Marshall Rosenberg: I was working in the village of Betsahur in Palestine
and one of the participants at the end of the day said, "Marshall, I like
your training very much, but you know it's nothing new, it's just applied
Islam"(26). And he saw me smiling and he said, "Why are you smiling?" And I
said, "Yesterday I was in Jerusalem and the man there told - an orthodox
rabbi told me - it was applied Judaism". And in Sri Lanka, the head of our
project there is a Jesuit priest, so it's a spiritual process in the sense
that you need to have this consciousness that you can't benefit at other
people's expense(27). That the good life is contributing to everybody's well
being...
Dominic Barter: I'd like to thank my daughter because in terms of my
learning and looking for possible limits to the process, what really changed
things for me was the experience of having a Brazilian daughter, growing up
with her. And the experience of growing up with her, particularly in the
first year, in which she wasn't using language as we understand it - verbal
language - finding the ability to resolve our differences, make sure that
what she wanted and what I wanted was happening at the same time, through
staying in touch(28) with this consciousness even in moments where the tools
- those key distinctions that we were talking about - were not something
that I could use verbally in a useful way to communicate with her. That
really made a difference to my learning.
Karl Kepler
Welcome to the Center for Law, Diversity & Justice:-
Workshop: Cross-Cultural Communication, Mediation and Non-Violent
Communication;_
See link:- http://www.wwu.edu/cldj/events.shtml#1
Improve the Quality of Your Relationships by Changing How You Communicate
From the bedroom to the boardroom, from the classroom to the war zone,
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is changing lives every day. NVC provides an
easy to grasp, effective method to get to the root of violence, pain and
conflict peacefully. By examining the unmet needs behind what we do or say,
NVC helps reduce hostility, heal pain and strengthen professional and
personal relationships.
NVC is now being taught in corporations, classrooms, prisons and mediation
centers around the globe. And it is affecting cultural shifts as
institutions, corporations and governments integrate NVC consciousness into
their organizational structures and their approach to leadership.
International peacemaker, mediator, author and founder of the Center for
Nonviolent Communication, Dr. Marshall Rosenberg spends more than 250 days
each year teaching NVC, including some of the most impoverished, war-torn
areas of the world. More than 200 certified trainers and hundreds more teach
NVC in 35 countries to approximately 250,000 people each year.
.........What are the Components of the NVC Process?........
While NVC is much more than a communication model, the components below
provide a structural concept of the process that leads to giving and
receiving from the heart.
Honestly Expressing how I am and what I would like without using blame,
criticism or demands
Empathically Receiving how another is and what he/she would like without
hearing blame, criticism or demands
Whether expressing or receiving, NVC focuses our attention on four pieces of
information:
Observations—Objectively describing what is going on without using
evaluation, moralistic judgment, interpretation or diagnosis
Feelings—Saying how you feel (emotions and body sensations) about what you
have observed without assigning blame
Needs—The basic human needs that are or not being met and are the source of
feelings
Requests—Clear request for actions that can meet needs
Why do people find value in learning NVC?
Most of us are hungry for skills that can improve the quality of our
relationships, to deepen our sense of personal empowerment or simply help us
communicate more effectively. Unfortunately, most of us have been educated
from birth to compete, judge, demand and diagnose; to think and communicate
in terms of what is “right“ and “wrong“ with people. At best, the habitual
ways we think and speak hinder communication and create misunderstanding and
frustration. And still worse, they can cause anger and pain, and may lead to
violence. Without wanting to, even people with the best of intentions
generate needless conflict.
NVC helps us reach beneath the surface and discover what is alive and vital
within us, and how all of our actions are based on human needs that we are
seeking to meet. We learn to develop a vocabulary of feelings and needs that
helps us more clearly express what is going on in us, and understand what is
going on it others, at any given moment. When we understand and acknowledge
our needs, we develop a shared foundation for much more satisfying
relationships. Join the thousands of people worldwide who have improved
their relationships and their lives with this simple yet revolutionary
process.
“Marshall Rosenberg provides us with
the most effective tools to foster health and relationships.
Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul . . .
It is the missing element in what we do.”
- Deepak Chopra, author,
How to Know God and Ageless Body, Timeless Mind
Hope this information is helpful???
See links on NVC:-
Centre for Non Violent Communication:- http://www.cnvc.org/
Nonviolent Communication Global Links:-
http://www.nvc-resolutions.co.uk/nvclinks.htm
NVC UK INFOPOINT - NVC in the UK:-
http://www.marshallrosenberg-uk2006.info/nvcinfopoint.htm
http://www.psncc.org/convention/convention_2001.html
Yours
Colin Revell
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