that should be "a bit OF thoughtful repetition"
On 16/08/06, Kasper <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> outstanding. excellent imagery, & a bit thoughtful repetition.
>
> "Both our beaches littered / with shards" -- 'shards' is a word that
> I'd like never to see again in any but a truly imaginative context.
> its use here isn't bad, it's just that the word itself is bad when
> connected to poetics. there's nothing as bland as shards.
>
> "broken shells / of expectations and demands" -- exp. & dem. are
> rather abstract, and it feels like they cut into the wise & enjoyable
> imagery quite suddenly, watering it down.
>
> K S
> On 16/08/06, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > I Send Out This Paper Boat
> >
> > August now, and three years --
> > four? -- since I've touched
> > your arm, heard that river-
> > bed voice. I grow old,
> >
> > my hair lengthens and thins
> > at once, gray at the temples.
> > My body declines in every
> > sense. Our lives so far
> >
> > apart, this sea too wide
> > for even dreams to bridge.
> > Both our beaches littered
> > with shards, lovers left
> >
> > and leaving, broken shells
> > of expectations and demands.
> > There are wars between us;
> > storm and flood and deadly
> >
> > drought; a long, desolate
> > peace. Our lives thin down
> > to this: one or two tenacious
> > friends, deep-rooted against
> >
> > time, against wind and loneliness.
> > A few sparse lines in a Chinese
> > painting: one tree clings to the cliff,
> > branches stunted and bent; sea-
> >
> > battered, salt-worn, but still
> > it holds. It holds.
> >
> >
> >
> > --
> > ~ SB =^..^=
> >
> > http://www.sbpoet.com
> >
>
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