can't help but concur, on all counts.
it _is_ clever as a poem, but subtly so. the title is just wonderful,
as is the typography creating a 'curl'. nice minimalistic use of
language/lackofpunctuation too.
KS
On 25/07/06, Joanna Boulter <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Tina, I think I rather agree with Judy here.
>
> "Sidewords" strikes me as a bit too clever in the context. It focuses
> attention away from your beautiful seahorse and the image of him curled and
> packed, and away from your need of sideways space (nicely touched on in the
> first version by means of the space within the penultimate line), and
> concentrates the reader's thought on the surface of your artefact.
>
> joanna
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "judy prince" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Monday, July 24, 2006 9:42 PM
> Subject: Re: a change to C
>
>
> > Hi, Tina. The first stanza's especially striking, memorable.
> >
> > I think I prefer the second stanza's original word "sideways", bcuz it
> > moves, and bcuz "sidewords" above "worlds" calls attention to spell/sound
> > similarities, and away from meanings.
> >
> > Welcome back, and chirs,
> >
> > Judy
> >
> > ----- Original Message -----
> > From: "Tina Bass" <[log in to unmask]>
> > To: <[log in to unmask]>
> > Sent: Monday, July 24, 2006 4:11 PM
> > Subject: a change to C
> >
> >
> > C
> >
> >
> > you want my seahorse
> > beautiful curl
> > packed dry
> > flattening
> >
> > I need space
> > drifting sidewords
> > through vertical worlds
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > -------------------------------------
> > [log in to unmask]
> >
>
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