aheh, overrated or not if it's to be sacrificed it should at least be
done in a way that isn't obtrusive. lack of continuity for its own
sake sounds a little like pretension to me, whether it is or not. but:
opinions, everyone's got em.
On 24/07/06, Halvard Johnson <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Thanks for the extended response, KS.
>
> Hal, who tends to think that continuity is overrated
>
> "A sudden silence in the middle of a conversation
> suddenly brings us back to essentials: it reveals
> how dearly we must pay for the invention of
> speech."
> --E. M. Cioran
>
> Halvard Johnson
> ================
> [log in to unmask]
> [log in to unmask]
> http://home.earthlink.net/~halvard
> http://entropyandme.blogspot.com
> http://imageswithoutwords.blogspot.com
> http://www.hamiltonstone.org
>
> On Jul 23, 2006, at 6:09 AM, Kasper wrote:
>
> > quite extraordinary, & certainly exciting. some lines reminiscent of
> > Hughes ("Bizarre / commissioners lilting" especially), almost all
> > lines new/original in language/image. I like this very much!
> > two things really only catch my eye non-positively:
> >
> > (1) the language is certainly fruity & firm, but a lot of the time the
> > punctuation/rhythm makes it appear as though the lines are there just
> > to promenade themselves, because really these stanzas are just
> > metaphors one after the other, neatly. the feeling is that the images
> > (bountiful though they are) aren't really connected to anything, & a
> > feeling of connection is really quite important. the lack of a link
> > isn't because of the change of mentioned setting (Wall Street / Norway
> > -- the latter not actually given as a setting, but the impression),
> > because a poem can be perfectly intact even if it takes the reader
> > around the world. the lack is due to an apparent purposefulness of
> > separation; the metaphors aren't even meant to connect to one another,
> > except by the fact that they all refer to birds. what this poem needs
> > is CONTINUITY. :)
> >
> > (2) also, among such lush imagery & metaphor, there are bound to be
> > some that are less apt, in whatever sense. some I see:
> >
> > _"ticker-tape fluttering" -- while sonically good, 'ticker-tape' is
> > almost at cliché-status for its popular use. the fact that ticker-tape
> > refers to the stockmarket doesn't help, because the connection is not
> > there (as mentioned).
> > _"germicidal stalactites" -- I'm a fan of minimalism mainly because
> > one doesn't need to untie one's tongue before untying what a given
> > phrase actually even means. ;) this phrase isn't only a mouthful, but
> > something of a mystery as to its reference.
> > _"feckless semitropical cabin walls" -- if adjectives are to be in
> > adbundance, they should at least be immediately recognisable ones;
> > recognisable either as words themselves, or recognisable in their own
> > context. I've always hated the word 'feckless', maybe that has
> > something to do with it, but I think this whole stanza would be
> > stronger if that word was removed.
> >
> > in comparison, some lines I've never seen or even thought of before &
> > found amazing
> >
> > _"Bizarre / commissioners lilting" (as mentioned)
> > _"Obese astronauts"
> > _"Cinnamon gunslingers balk"
> >
> >
> > some very sound work here Hal. :)
> >
> > KS
> >
> > On 21/07/06, Halvard Johnson <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >> Pretty Honoraria
> >>
> >> Beneath the almonds, where nearby water flows,
> >> keen throngs feverish with delight. Bizarre
> >> commissioners lilting.
> >>
> >> Obese astronauts promenade Wall Street,
> >> ticker-tape fluttering all about
> >> germicidal stalactites.
> >>
> >> Below Norwegian freezing points,
> >> phalangists talk senselessly,
> >> complacently.
> >>
> >> Electroplated testaments line
> >> feckless semitropical cabin walls.
> >> Cinnamon gunslingers balk.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> Hal
> >>
> >> Halvard Johnson
> >> ================
> >> [log in to unmask]
> >> [log in to unmask]
> >> http://home.earthlink.net/~halvard
> >> http://entropyandme.blogspot.com
> >> http://imageswithoutwords.blogspot.com
> >> http://www.hamiltonstone.org
> >>
>
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