A good poem which successfully sustains its atmosphere and has an
effectively startling ending. I wonder if it might be more dramatically
effective if it were rewritten to omit all references to dreaming except for
the word "dreamvoice" near the end, e.g. begin "The children come out
first..." etc.
>
> Evidence
> --------
>
> Only in dream do the children come out first,
> lined up, nervous
>
> Only in dream do my enemies look on,
> tittering, nudging in new school uniforms
>
> Only in dream my book's blank leaves grow scribbles
> crowding out his name.
> I draw a box to protect it,
> to carry it.
>
> Only in dream is he
> taller. Only in dream
> are my body's arms around him.
>
> Soft against my cheek, his
> tender neckskin, his
> fuzzy handknit sweater,
> smelling sweet and old
>
> Only in dream is he
> silent while I have words.
> Does he hear my dreamvoice against his neck?
> I can barely speak
> My throat is breaking
> "I love you"
>
> In my hand,
> a leaf to bring back to you!
> But surfacing vanishes my scrap of evidence
>
>------------------------------------------------------
>Janet Jackson <[log in to unmask]>
>Poems at Proximity:
>http://www.arach.net.au/~huxtable/janet/proximity.html
>------------------------------------------------------
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