Is this original satire?
>>> Rowley Cottingham 11/19/05 10:11am >>>
The new minister for good ideas has outlined proposals to make the
cockpit more "accessible".
Pilots are spending too long training to fly aeroplanes. Instead of
obtaining a pilot's licence, trainees on the new scheme will instead be
awarded a certificate of air experience so they can start flying
passengers much sooner. They will need to be supervised by a pilot with
a licence, who will remain on the ground, but a few who survive will be
able to proceed to train for a licence later. Mind you, for the
purposes of our figures they will all count as full pilots anyway.
For too long pilots have maintained a stranglehold on duties such as
flying aeroplanes. Cabin crew have been unfairly excluded from these
duties. A new 38 day course will enable cabin crew to learn to fly
planes independently of pilots, without the need for all that excessive
messing around with training, exams and stuff. Some cabin crew will
have the opportunity to train as "practitioners" who will specialise in
specific areas, such as landing practitioners and
switching-on-the-seatbelt-light practitioners. Having a few of these
around will mean we don't need as many of those expensive pilots.
Communication skills are essential. Pilots are very bad communicators.
Simply telling you "we're half way across the Atlantic now at 35000
feet and are going to turn left soon" is just not good enough.
Passengers must be kept fully informed of every move the pilot makes at
all stages during the flight. In order to accommodate the increased
communication training there will be less time for actual "flying"
during the course.
We must make this whole business more "passenger centred". Pilots run
this whole show for their own convenience. Scheduled departure times
are far too inflexible. It's no use saying the last flight to Sydney
left at 4 o'clock when some of the passengers wanted to get on at 7
because they wanted to spend more time browsing for Sudoku puzzle books
in the duty free shop.
You know it makes sense.