Echoes are important, Alison, & I can see why you want that. But a)
Rilke has 10 long elegies to make his term, 'angels', resonate, & b)
since then, (& in today's appalling popularization of both term &
concept) a single mention has a greater chance to make teeth ache than
to make the spirit soar, I'm afraid. Can you imply that
otherworldliness without using the term is what I'm wondering....
Doug
On 28-Dec-05, at 12:34 PM, Alison Croggon wrote:
> Thanks, Doug...
>
>> I wasn't as bothered by the poem as those other two, but I do think
>> that the angel creeping in gets in the way a bit & would change this
>> line:
>>
>>>>> Angel, how numb your shoulders are,
>>
>> to 'how numb your shoulders,'
>
> I tried that (among several other things), and it missed something for
> me...I suspect that I want that echo of Rilke:
>
> Angel! o take, pluck, the small-flowered leaves of healing.
> Make a vase to preserve them!
>
> &c
>
> Though looking at the Rilke, of course, makes the poem please me even
> less.
>
> And thanks Janet, though I was seeking some kind of soaring and rush
> in the
> lineation, as well as that direct address.
>
> Maybe one for the bin. It's been teasing me for years now. Maybe what
> I want
> to find there might have to wait for some other poem...
>
> All the best
>
> A
>
>
>
> Alison Croggon
>
> Blog: http://theatrenotes.blogspot.com
> Editor, Masthead: http://masthead.net.au
> Home page: http://alisoncroggon.com
>
>
Douglas Barbour
11655 - 72 Avenue NW
Edmonton Ab T6G 0B9
(780) 436 3320
I saw three ships
come sailing in
on Christmas Day
in the morning
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