good points, Joanna. "Warm" was what I wrestled with most, but at last figured that the leaner look made meatier drama---in keeping with the revised rest.
best is that you and Frank help(ed) me see what I doubt I'd have seen. writing's so solitary, useful advice glorious. my thanks and WARM chirs to you both,
Judy
> From: Joanna Boulter <[log in to unmask]>
> Date: 2005/12/18 Sun AM 10:15:42 EST
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: revised poem: Adjustments
>
> Yes of course, but I liked the specificity, the personal detail, the
> bringing back *home.
>
> joanna
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Frank Parker" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Sunday, December 18, 2005 1:08 PM
> Subject: Re: revised poem: Adjustments
>
>
> > Hi, Joanna,
> >
> > A hand in hand "is" a warm thing, IMO, no?
> >
> > Cheers,
> > Frank
> >
> > ***************************
> > Frank Parker
> > [log in to unmask]
> > http://frankshome.org
> >
> > ----- Original Message -----
> > From: "Joanna Boulter" <[log in to unmask]>
> > To: <[log in to unmask]>
> > Sent: Sunday, December 18, 2005 4:08 AM
> > Subject: Re: revised poem: Adjustments
> >
> >
> >> Lovely poem.
> >>
> >> I miss the warm hand from the original version, though.
> >>
> >> joanna
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> > thanks to Frank Parker's excellent suggestions to toss "ings" and other
> >> > bits, here's revised poem:
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Adjustments
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > a light
> >> > in this inked passage
> >> > urges us ahead
> >> >
> >> > past our
> >> > loose partitions
> >> > our torn histories
> >> >
> >> > through yellowed halls
> >> > walls shrink
> >> > and stretch
> >> > our future
> >> >
> >> > we match
> >> > patterned papers
> >> > dying colours
> >> > worn places
> >> >
> >> > we hang mirrors
> >> > at every room end
> >> > face ourselves
> >> > in infinity
> >> >
> >> > close space
> >> > turn time inside
> >> > search for hand
> >> > in hand
> >> >
> >> > ~~~~~
> >> > Judy Prince
> >> > 18.12.05
> >> > Loughborough UK
> >> >
> >>
> >>
> >
>
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