Actually, I was very struck by & taken with the uncorrected version,
Lawrence, the paradox of "new ideas" being encouraged by all this
hidebound attitude added to the refusal to learn "old truths" - perhaps
"new dull ideas' growth" would do the trick? I love the way "It is the
illusion of the garden;/unsustainable apart; but part of" begins with an
illusive (only two strong beats) pentameter, a form which is then "kept
up" in the 10 syllables of the next line, which however practically
falls "apart" after the semicolon to keep us waiting after the line
break for a whole line's worth of dumb perplexity before the vague
"undepicted" answer. Your poem has a diverting range of mimetic nuances.
mj
Lawrence Upton wrote:
>My apologies
>I typed this when I was very tired and typed the cliche I had based my line
>on, not my line
>NOT This view encourages new ideas' growth
>BUT This view encourages dull ideas' growth
>The corrected text is below
>all best to everyone
>
>L
>
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Lawrence Upton <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask] <[log in to unmask]>
>Date: Thursday, October 20, 2005 12:00 AM
>Subject: snap
>
>Snap
>
>A narrowboat upon a narrowing
>canal: it and the water
>strewn by fallen
>leaves
>doing text book
>autumn colours
>partly obscuring
>towpaths
>clumped over
>by grass piled up
>all layered as good
>compost
>while
>further back
>beeches shimmer blotchily.
>
>It is the illusion of the garden;
>unsustainable apart; but part of
>
>something outside, which is undepicted:
>his lordship's labourers, perhaps;
>the motorway;
>or the edge of a new estate.
>
>This view encourages dull ideas' growth
>and the weak refusal now to learn old truths
>while familiar sights are calmly fetishised
>
>
>
--
M.J.Walker - no blog - no webpage - no idea
Nous ne faisons que nous entregloser. - Montaigne
|