Must admit, I was going by sound and rhythm more
than meaning. I'd rearrange the meaning.
Hal
On Sep 7, 2005, at 8:06 AM, Joanna Boulter wrote:
> I too prefer the earlier, closer version.
>
> But I'm not so sure about Hal's preference for over "oceanic" over
> "ocean". Doesn't mean the same thing. Both are adjectival here, but
> "oceanic" implies a vastness to the outfall, whereas "ocean" is simply
> descriptive of the type of outfall, the undisguised pipe into the sea.
> It depends which meaning Patrick intends.
>
> joanna
>
> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Halvard Johnson"
> <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Wednesday, September 07, 2005 12:54 PM
> Subject: Re: snapshot~7 September 2005revised patrick
>
>
>> Nice, Patrick, though I rather prefer the
>> original (except that I'd use "oceanic" instead
>> of "ocean").
>>
>> Hal
>>
>> On Sep 7, 2005, at 2:38 AM, Patrick McManus wrote:
>>
>>> HIS POETRY
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> gradually
>>>
>>> his poetry
>>>
>>> developed
>>>
>>> over the years
>>>
>>> from a small
>>>
>>> silver spittoon
>>>
>>> to a full scale
>>>
>>> finely macerated
>>>
>>> sewage ocean outfall.
>>>
>
>>> pmcmanus
>>>
>>> raynes park london uk
>>>
>>> N690
>>>
>
>
Hal
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Halvard Johnson
================
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