Thanks for letting me know about this transition back to the good old days.
I suppose now that 101% of us (that is the 2.15% who are aware there is a
world out there and the 98.5% who do not) will need to learn a new math.
At 05:11 AM 1/13/2004 +0000, you wrote:
>On the U.K side of the pond, a program is something that runs on a
>computer, while a programme is something that runs on T.V. (or the
>wireless, in old money)
>As for irritating American git -
>To the citizens of the United States of America,
>In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
>govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
>independence, effective today.
>Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties
>over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah,
>which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony
>Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that
>there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for
>America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate
>will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to
>determine whether any of you noticed.
>To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
>rules are introduced with immediate effect:
>1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
>Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be
>amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you
>should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up
>"vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with
>filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and
>inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".
>2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know
>on your behalf.
>3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
>It really isn't that hard.
>4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
>5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
>Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you
>to get confused and give up half way through.
>6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind
>of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very
>good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside
>your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American"
>football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead
>play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the
>girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in
>time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football",
>but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing
>full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at
>least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.
>7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
>they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that
>there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.
>The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for
>8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
>national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive
>9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for
>your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what
>10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
>Thank you for your cooperation.
>Tongue in cheek, and not really wishing to offend!
>On Tue, 2004-01-13 at 02:54, K. Kris Hirst wrote:
>> Hello again:
>> Thanks for the tip to the archives about this program(me).
>> Jason Lucas writes:
>> >>BTW - how have things been for you since the dot com boom/bust. - I'm
>> an ex-IT guy, >>and things are looking pretty grim at the moment.
>> Things are not great here, either. After eight years on the Internet,
>> About.com still seem to be alive, which in itself seems to be a bit of a
>> miracle. We (using the collective "we", I'm just along for the ride)
>> continue to change course where it seems warranted, which I think is how
>> we stay afloat, but things have definitely gone south since April 2000
>> (pardon the extended sailing metaphor, I've seen too many movies
>> lately). To be honest, I'm constantly surprised that About continues to
>> support my clearly non-commercial antics at all. Lucky me! But, thanks
>> for asking.
>> And Malcolm Bull writes, quoting me:
>> >> I've recently heard about a new television
>> >> program on your side of the pond
>> > Which side would that be?
>> Tell the truth, I figured the spelling of 'program' would be a dead
>> giveaway. A better question might be, if I may be so bold, "to what pond
>> do you refer, you irritating American git?"
>> K. Kris Hirst
>> The Wasteflake Project
>> Guide for Archaeology @ About.com
>> American archaeology is ready to be a mature science, one that accepts
>> the primacy of its empirical data--for these can outlast theories--and
>> the political and human ramifications of its actions, as it reflectively
>> constructs and compares interpretations. Tolerence for ambiguity is as
>> essential as the Marshalltown trowel. -- Alice Beck Kehoe
>> More Quotes: http://archaeology.about.com/blquoteold.htm