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BRITARCH  January 2004

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Subject:

Re: extreme archaeology

From:

Orion <[log in to unmask]>

Reply-To:

British archaeology discussion list <[log in to unmask]>

Date:

Tue, 13 Jan 2004 03:56:15 -0500

Content-Type:

text/plain

Parts/Attachments:

Parts/Attachments

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Thanks for letting me know about this transition back to the good old days.

I suppose now that 101% of us (that is the 2.15% who are aware there is a
world out there and the 98.5% who do not) will need to learn a new math.

Thanks,
Orion




At 05:11 AM 1/13/2004 +0000, you wrote:
>All,
>
>On the U.K side of the pond, a program is something that runs on a
>computer, while a programme is something that runs on T.V. (or the
>wireless, in old money)
>
>As for irritating American git -
>
>To the citizens of the United States of America,
>
>In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
>govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
>independence, effective today.
>
>Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties
>over all states, commonwealths and other territories.  Except Utah,
>which she does not fancy.  Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony
>Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that
>there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for
>America without the need for further elections.  Congress and the Senate
>will be disbanded.  A questionnaire will be circulated next year to
>determine whether any of you noticed.
>
>To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
>rules are introduced with immediate effect:
>
>1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
>Then look up "aluminium".  Check the pronunciation guide.  You will be
>amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.  Generally, you
>should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.  Look up
>"vocabulary".  Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with
>filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and
>inefficient form of communication.  Look up "interspersed".
>
>2. There is no such thing as "US English".  We will let Microsoft know
>on your behalf.
>
>3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
>It really isn't that hard.
>
>4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
>good guys.
>
>5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
>Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1.  We would not want you
>to get confused and give up half way through.
>
>6. You should stop playing American "football".  There is only one kind
>of football.  What you refer to as American "football" is not a very
>good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside
>your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American"
>football.  You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead
>play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the
>girls.  It is a difficult game.  Those of you brave enough will, in
>time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football",
>but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing
>full kevlar body armour like nancies).  We are hoping to get together at
>least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.
>
>7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
>they give you any merde.  The 98.85% of you who were not aware that
>there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.
>The Russians have never been the bad guys.  "Merde" is French for
>"shit".
>
>8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday.  November 8th will be a new
>national holiday, but only in England.  It will be called "Indecisive
>Day".
>
>9. All American cars are hereby banned.  They are crap and it is for
>your own good.  When we show you German cars, you will understand what
>we mean.
>
>10. Please tell us who killed JFK.  It's been driving us crazy.
>
>Thank you for your cooperation.
>
>Yours,
>Tongue in cheek, and not really wishing to offend!
>
>Jason.
>
>
>On Tue, 2004-01-13 at 02:54, K. Kris Hirst wrote:
>> Hello again:
>>
>> Thanks for the tip to the archives about this program(me).
>>
>> Jason Lucas writes:
>>
>> >>BTW - how have things been for you since the dot com boom/bust. - I'm
>> an ex-IT guy, >>and things are looking pretty grim at the moment.
>>
>> Things are not great here, either. After eight years on the Internet,
>> About.com still seem to be alive, which in itself seems to be a bit of a
>> miracle. We (using the collective "we", I'm just along for the ride)
>> continue to change course where it seems warranted, which I think is how
>> we stay afloat, but things have definitely gone south since April 2000
>> (pardon the extended sailing metaphor, I've seen too many movies
>> lately). To be honest, I'm constantly surprised that About continues to
>> support my clearly non-commercial antics at all. Lucky me! But, thanks
>> for asking.
>>
>> And Malcolm Bull writes, quoting me:
>>
>> >> I've recently heard about a new television
>> >> program on your side of the pond
>>
>> > Which side would that be?
>>
>> Tell the truth, I figured the spelling of 'program' would be a dead
>> giveaway. A better question might be, if I may be so bold, "to what pond
>> do you refer, you irritating American git?"
>>
>> K. Kris Hirst
>> The Wasteflake Project
>> http://www.wasteflake.com
>> and
>> Guide for Archaeology @ About.com
>> http://archaeology.about.com
>> American archaeology is ready to be a mature science, one that accepts
>> the primacy of its empirical data--for these can outlast theories--and
>> the political and human ramifications of its actions, as it reflectively
>> constructs and compares interpretations. Tolerence for ambiguity is as
>> essential as the Marshalltown trowel. -- Alice Beck Kehoe
>>
>> More Quotes: http://archaeology.about.com/blquoteold.htm
>>
>

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