Hi Judith and David!
I share your frustration, exasperation and downright anger at this muggle,
forcing his attentions on you both.
I am totally blind and a full-time programme manager for the State Services
Commission in Wellington, New Zealand. So, we have something in common - a
wonderful country!
Yesterday on my way to the railway station, I was accosted by a loud and
aggressive man who insisted my guide dog had taken me to the wrong place and
who also insisted on manhandling me down the new steps which lead to the
subway. That is, he insisted once I could convince him I did actually know
where I was going, no mean feat!
I am a professional woman, I supervise three staff and am responsible for
managing a large amount of Crown funding. I often meet with Ministers of
the Crown etc. I am also a part-time Masters student, considering a PhD
part-time next year. I just don't expect or want to be treated like I'm not
capable of functioning as a human being!
I was out a couple of Friday nights ago with a girlfriend, having a few
drinks at the end of a busy working week. Later in the evening my friend
got into the car after popping back into the pub to say something to another
friend, when she was accosted by a chap who wanted to know if she was my
caregiver and who wanted to tell her how wonderful she is etc. My friend is
new to disability and to how others react etc. She is also quite a bit
younger than me and very non-judgemental. So you can imagine her horror
that someone should think like that, let alone say such things.
Feel free to drop me a line off list if you like Judith and David.
Cheers
Pam Crothall
Mainstream Programme Manager
Strategic Development Branch
State Services Commission
100 Molesworth Street
Wellington
New Zealand
Telephone: 64-4-495-6751
Mobile: 025 575-461
Fax: 64-4-495-6691
Email: [log in to unmask]
-----Original Message-----
From: Judith Kelleher [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
Sent: Wednesday, 12 March 2003 1:29 a.m.
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: An intrusive incident
My son and I went to a movie on Sunday afternoon. The movie, "Whale
Rider" was wonderful and, as an aside, I recommend it to all as an
example of what is really creative and special about our young New
Zealand film industry. At the end of the film we sat there savouring the
moment, only to be intruded upon by a man who had been sitting in front
of us with four children. He was insistent in his desire to 'help' my
son into his wheelchair, which had been parked at the back of the
theatre.
My son, who is adult, tall and well built uses a chair to get from one
place to another because he has spasm and movement impairments as a
result of a serious TBI ten years ago. He prefers to sit in an ordinary
seat at the movies and transfers are something that he,I and various
others of his social circle manage without ever really thinking about. I
suppose that there is something about David that makes him "other" to
those who do not know him, but to us, he is who he is, a person living
his life.
We were stunned by this person's loudness and persistence and when I
said that we were able to manage, he stuffed a twenty dollar note into
my handbag stating very loudly that it was very good of me to be taking
one of these people out and that he wanted to help. I could have fallen
through the floor and once we made to our vehicle, I looked around and
noticed that there were tears streaming down David's face.
When I still come up against incredible attitudes and behaviour such as
this, I have an overwhelming desire to protect him from the "outside"
and am in a Catch 22 place because since he first came out of coma we
have promoted and sought a full and real life for him. I have been
constantly aware of the need to avoid kid glove treatment and
infantilisation, encouraging him to be "out there" doing everything he
can and keeping myself as much in the background as possible. He does
have issues with speech and speed of information processing and he could
not, in this instance speak for himself and I was too stunned to
speak.
David knows that I am writing this and is sitting with me at the
computer. He has just told me that he felt that the man took something
important off him. In the end this incident is another spur for me in my
new PhD studies, which will investigate social attitudes to ABI in NZ.
Does anyone have any input or comment to make? I guess I am still
feeling very angry!.
Judith Kelleher.
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