I really enjoyed reading this. The poem has a dynamic building of tension,
of excitement. The line breaks add to the sensuality of the piece. Did you
mean "a short break"? Maybe, maybe not. Interesting thought. I love the
ending, with each lover checking out with "wants in separate cases." I
liked it so much that I actually wanted to let the poem end there. Also, I
wonder if the title gives away a bit too much about what's to come. I'm
looking forward to more of your work. Masterfully done.
> HOTEL EROTICA
> I felt better afterwards. She moved
> over on her side away from me, fingered
> the white bone of the phone. I looked down
> a smoky barrel of a cigarette, breathed
> deep through my nose like a post-race swimmer.
> I think we spoke of summers. Or something
> pervasive as sky. The gold-trim chintzed
> on a doorknob glint. It was half-three:
> Espana wrapped itself in its siesta.
> We lay still as the moment and as mortal,
> in animate quiet, on an unwed bed. Outside,
> as the day's suspension decayed, streetwide,
> warmer languages canyoned on quick tongues:
> que te quiero. But we lisped English only,
> tourists hot for a short brake. We checked out,
> next day, our wants in separate cases, no problem
> hungry and intractable as a word like love. Or need.
> David Bircumshaw
> Leicester, England
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> A Chide's Alphabet
> Painting Without Numbers