Robin Hamilton wrote:
> > I think it would be stronger if you dropped "much" in
> > the penultimate stanza and put a period after "after all."
> Thanks for the comments, Fredrick. The problem with dropping the "much?"
> (though I'd still hold with that anyway) and "Kent State U" is rhymic --
> I'd agree it should be "Kent State" (simply).
> But it was an odd poem -- I don't really like it, but it +did+ come straight
> out of the thirty years' anniversary of 68. I was wandering around saying,
> "What did you do in 68?" Odd answers you got.
> Me, I was Glasgow, and that was fairly pussycat -- big thing we did was try
> to elect Danny the Red as Rector. But people were dying elsewhere. Then it
> +did+ strike me -- Diana was four years old when all this was happening.
> Takes you (a)back.
Frankly - to this transatlantic ear - the rhythm is better without
"much" or "U." More abrupt, syncopated. Better to tighten, not expand,
Focusing in on Princess Di makes the poem. Big vague emotional
commodities is what the masses want. Not freedom.