Junk mail
Dear Mr. Jones:
How would you like to achieve
the kind of financial freedom you've always dreamed of?
If you would, then please take a moment to consider
the high-yield, low-risk investments that we can offer.
These are uncertain times, but a savvy investor
such as yourself will always recognize
the value of wise investment planning like ours.
All that we ask for is ten minutes of your time
in your own interest. Surely that's reasonable.
Is that too much to ask, Mr. Jones? Tell me, is it?
Our varied portfolio is state-of-the-art designed
to meet your personal needs, as I'm sure you'll agree
if you'll only spare the time to read our brochure.
Is that so much to ask, Mr. Jones? In all humility
I say, is that so very, very much?
Mr. Jones, I am a human being like you:
I've got blood, brains, guts, hands, eyes, and a bleeding ulcer,
and a boss breathing fire down my neck about the response rate
these circulars get, and a mortgage and child support payments,
and a son who's a bum and spends all his time smoking dope
and playing that loud metal music, or whatever they call it,
who I can't do a thing with because my bitch ex-wife
is so busy buying booze for her ex-con boyfriend
with the money some bozo judge makes me send for the kid
that she can't find the time to plan any visitation.
And you say you're irritated -- ha! irritated!
by being asked to look at one lousy brochure
which will show you how best to put your money to work,
and which maybe, just maybe, will lead to a contact call
which could keep me from losing this crummy job and having
to live in my car on the street with my clothes in the trunk?
Have you no pity, sir? Have you no human pity?
Am I so foul in your sight that you won't drop a crumb
of your precious attention for me and our literature?
Please, please examine the charts and prospectus enclosed
and mail the accompanying form if you'd like further details.
It would make one tormented soul just a little less wretched.
If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to call me.
Yours very truly,
Robert P. Anderson
VP in Charge of Sales
Four-Star Investments
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Jon Corelis [log in to unmask]
www.geocities.com/joncpoetics
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