from Lives of the Saints: St Alison of Williamstown
Alison was born by divine infarction in Douglas Parade, Williamstown,
the site of the great convict uprising. So indeed she blessed this
unhallowed place and put the memory of John Price to rights.
At the age of one she suffered a vision of Godel's Theorem which made
blood run down from her eyes. She put up her hand to her face and
lo! the blood ceased, and the burghers of Williamstown, thinking that
they could now erect parking meters for the penitents who came often
to visit her, were much pleased and erected a simple hut near the
Steampacket Hotel where she could pursue her revelations.
Henceforward she was known as the Avatar of Inconsistency and arrayed
herself informally in all churches, shewing herself brightly within
all correspondences.
No other sign of God's purchase on her soul was evident for some
years, despite much prayer against her ragged appearance, for which
the priest, who was in league with the wizard on the hill, sought to
expel her from her hut. A delegation of councillors came to do the
deed. St Alison stood outside her hut and said, I stand before the
fractal scissiparity in all my subjective imparticularity, and no
hand but God's can perceive me. She then cut off both her breasts
and flung them at the councillors.
Being greatly alarmed, they ran away. She then set her hand to her
bosom, and her breasts were restored, and the people greatly wondered.
Another fact about St Alison was that she never seen to eat but of
milk-soaked mulberries, and she was never seen to drink but of
metaxa. So it was reported of her, by those who lived closely with
her. She spent her time henceforth in holy meditation of hydrating
cement slurries.
There are many miracles told of this time. A certain one-dimensional
cellular automata once was breathed into her right nostril, upon
which she cried, God! and from her nose expelled a stream of
turbulent mucuous. This was so bright it illuminated all of Nelson
Place and Centennial Park, even down to the waterfront. At another
time a non-linear equation which she was coddling in a clay dish
climbed out and threatened her with terminal autocatalysis. At this
she took up a thermodynamic sandpile and cast it, singing and praying
the while. The astonished people saw it shrink to the size of a very
small cat. After that it stayed in the hut with her and helped her
in many of her miracles.
Many miracles and marvels in that wise the Lord wrought for Alison.
So many are they that no one could tell of them all, unless her own
soul or an angel of God should come to declare them. However, this
should be enough as a sample of them.
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