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CRIT-GEOG-FORUM  November 2000

CRIT-GEOG-FORUM November 2000

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Subject:

Stop Press! Ukania to aid democractic transition in Amerijkanisatan

From:

"JD Sidaway" <[log in to unmask]>

Reply-To:

JD Sidaway

Date:

Fri, 10 Nov 2000 12:54:07 -0000

Content-Type:

text/plain

Parts/Attachments:

Parts/Attachments

text/plain (75 lines)

Stop Press – Geopolitical Commentary inc. Ukania to aid 
democratic transition in Amerijkanisatan.

UN and Western Powers denounce electoral corruption and 
mismanagement. After nearly a decade of rule in which the rich 
have grown wealthier and social inequalities widened amidst 
unsustainable speculative development and its continued backing 
of rouge states and terrorist movements around the world, the  
country of Amerijkanistan held presidential elections this week. 
Although both candidates were drawn from a tiny elite and spent 
vast amounts of money extolling their virtues in the government 
influenced and elite dominated media, no overall winner was 
declared.

“The UN need to supervise elections in this emergent 
democracy” said a spokesperson on the NNC World Cable 
Network. Experts on Amerijkanistan recalled the history of violent 
revolution, civil war and more recent political violence and 
assassinations, resignations, impeachments, sexual scandals and 
corruption in this little known, diverse and difficult to govern 
country. “It has only recently emerged from years of political 
polarization and turmoil” said a spokesman at the World Trade 
Organization, and its long suffering people deserve our support. 
“One side of the country declared results before voting had 
finished in another part” he explained. Moreover, he went on to 
spell out that the southern province of ‘Flowerlands’  is run by the 
brother of one of presidential candidates, whose father had 
previously ruled the entire country, having risen through his control 
of the vast intelligence/security apparatus of the A.I.C. . “It is a 
land where family connections, tribal allegiances and money seem 
to count more than modern ideology” said the WTO official. He 
went on to explain that the tribe of one of the Presidential 
candidates  come from a part of the country where secessionist 
feelings have long run strong and that was only incorporated into 
Amerijkanistan after a border war. 

Experts on Amerijkanistan argue that the UN should go in, to  run 
education programs, disarm the population, deal with the 
malnutrition and environmental problems caused by adherence to 
a staple diet of cheese and burgers, democratize the police forces 
and make them more representative of the tribal allegiances in the 
land and above all, halt the programs for the further development 
of weapons of mass destruction. “This country has used these 
weapons in the past and often threatened to do so again. But with 
our help, modernization, and a stress on human development, it 
may have a more stable future and join the ranks of the civilized 
international community” he said. On the positive side, 
international investors felt that nothing much would change 
whoever emerged victorious, although some fears have been 
voiced that the turmoil could affect other “emerging markets” if 
people start to get the idea that elections might really change 
things. 

Meanwhile, Amerijkanistan’s leading ally, the shabby empire of 
Ukania, continues to refuse aid from the international community 
for its dilapidated transport infrastructure (wrecked by years 
when investment was diverted into dubious speculative schemes 
and foreign adventures). And amidst the worst monsoon floods in 
centuries, the Ukanian leadership declares that it will continue to 
be unswervingly loyal to whichever President finally triumphs in 
the fraught Amerijkanistani elections. 

 

James Derrick Sidaway
School of Geography and Environmental Sciences
University of Birmingham
Edgbaston
Birmingham
B15 2TT
UK
Tel. 0121 414 6935


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