“There are two kinds of strengths: the strength to lead and the strength to
follow; the strength to control and the strength to yield.” (from The
Healthy Female Submissive by Yaldah Tovah, MD.)

I feel that at present access to positive and supportive information for
submissive people, their dominant counterparts and also other consensual
BDSMers is too low profile to be beneficial to people who acutely need
access to it. For naturally submissive people the situation is further
complicated as their submissiveness goes beyond sexual play and pain, it is
part of who they are. I feel the same can be said of natural dominants.

At the moment is seems to me that to find good D/s information you firstly
need access to the Internet (this would probably be in a public place if you
don’t have home Internet access), reasonable Internet skills and plenty of
time and freedom to search. When searching you need to make the connection
that your D/s desires are part of BDSM as a whole and to persevere past the
triple X-rated “real rape and torture” porn sites (and the HNGs!) to get to
the most helpful information sites for submissives. Is library Internet
provision making allowances for the searching difficulties encountered by
people with submissive or dominant needs?

In real-life I feel the situation is even worse. Firstly you would need to
make a connection between your submissive needs and feelings and the sort of
material you find in fetish and SM magazines in sex shops (not everyone
does!). Then you need to venture into a sex shop, past copies of Cane, Bound
and Spank before maybe finding a copy of the infrequently published Fetish
Times, which I feel does contain more relevant articles for people trying to
come to terms with their submissive or dominant feelings.

All this is dependent on submissive people somehow first finding out that
there is a name for what they are and how they feel and having the emotional
strength to feel sufficiently good about this aspect of themselves to seek a
safe, sane and consensual outlet for their desires. I feel the same can be
said of people with dominant needs. For me, these kind of considerations
highlight the need for better access to information for and about submissive
people.

I’m also concerned that real-life consensual D/s information at the right
level is not available for the 14 to 21 year old age group, the age when
people are trying to come to terms with their sexuality and also who they
are as people. I think young people need to have access to information about
homosexuality and other aspects of sexual and personal diversity as well, in
order for them to be able to make open-minded and informed choices about
what they really would like from their relationships and life.

I feel it wouldn’t take too much to start improving matters. A positive
section on real-life dominants and submissives or consensual BDSM in
community information files, information on support groups (like the Lady O
Society or SM Pride), lists of relevant publications (like Fetish Times or
“Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns” by Philip Miller and Molly Devon) and
relevant websites (Castlerealm at http://www.castlerealm.com/ is excellent
and Informed Consent is very good for UK resources), also including more
relevant factual books like “The Loving Dominant” by John Warren or “A
Different Loving” by Gloria Brame in the sexuality section of the library.

I have recently started a poetry group on the value of submission and
submissive people (URL:
http://www.elle.finn.btinternet.co.uk/SubVerse.htm ), we have already
produced our first booklet (The Poetry of Surrender by SubVerse Writers,
ISSN: 1472-2852) and will shortly be involved in our first poetry reading
event. I am sending complementary copies of the booklet to selected
libraries and societies around the UK in the hope that it will be helpful in
shedding some light on this important area of human experience.

This matter is very close to my heart as a submissive woman, mother to a
young daughter and a librarian. I was feeling suicidal before I discovered
real life D/s and came to terms with my submissive feelings. I hope people
will take the matter seriously and help alleviate this information
impoverished situation.

“To know oneself as a submissive woman, to accept that it is neither the
terrible thing that society tells us it is nor  the only right and true way
to be for others is to be free.” (from The Healthy Female Submissive by
Yaldah Tovah, MD).

Thank you and best wishes,

elle finn








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