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Thanks, Doug. That’s helpful. The great man is a premiership AFL football coach (of The Hawks, hence griffin in the poem) and long time friend of the family. At 92, he was last week elevated to ‘official Legend’ status, a distinction shared by only 29 others in the 120 y o league. I think I may be gilding the lily to add the further sense of ongoing shame. Besides anything else, I had forgotten they were 4-line stanzas and the addition of two lines in tercet form looks odd. And to keep it from the boy’s perspective, I will stop at gawk. Bill On Thu, 11 Jun 2020 at 2:54 am, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote: > It depends on what you’re trying for, Bill. If you want to keep it at the > level of the child’s (?) perspective, then stopping at gawk seems right; if > you want to shift to the later adult’s added view, looking back (as so many > your recent poems do), then perhaps a version of the last 2 stanzas is > called for. I’m assuming ‘the heat man’ is the child’s perspective, & he’s > not necessarily truly great man? Not sure of that aspect. How the adult > role impinges on a chid’s… > > Doug > > > On Jun 10, 2020, at 5:57 AM, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> > wrote: > > > > Thanks, Patrick. The gawk line was the original finisher. I just thought > > the poem might have been too much about the gawk so I gave more great man > > but even there the gawk got in at the end I suppose. > > > > Bill > > > > On Wed, 10 Jun 2020 at 8:04 pm, Patrick McManus < > > [log in to unmask]> wrote: > > > >> Thanks Bill my penneth? I would finish on gawk > >> > >> On 09/06/2020 23:52, Sheila Murphy wrote: > >>> Metaphorically rich and in fact replete with meaning, Bill. Thank you. > >>> Sheila > >>> > >>> On Tue, Jun 9, 2020 at 3:40 PM Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> > >>> wrote: > >>> > >>>> The great man waits in the car > >>>> > >>>> The great man waits in the car outside > >>>> > >>>> The great man waits in the car outside with his wife > >>>> > >>>> It is my doing > >>>> > >>>> > >>>> The great man had knocked on the door > >>>> > >>>> The great man had stood on the threshold with his wife > >>>> > >>>> The great man and his wife had retreated > >>>> > >>>> when I said they’d be home soon > >>>> > >>>> > >>>> I hadn’t felt able to invite the great man and his wife > >>>> > >>>> into the house to wait for those they wanted to see > >>>> > >>>> so the great man and his wife waited in the car > >>>> > >>>> while I kept moving, window checking from time to time > >>>> > >>>> > >>>> It might have been twenty minutes before they arrived, > >>>> > >>>> those the great man and his wife had come to see > >>>> > >>>> Now all were gathered in the front room, > >>>> > >>>> the griffin, his great partner, the greeters and the gawk > >>>> > >>>> > >>>> The great man’s wife is dead now > >>>> > >>>> His visiting days are over > >>>> > >>>> Last week the great man was elevated > >>>> > >>>> > >>>> to the ultimate service title > >>>> > >>>> He would at least have been offered > >>>> > >>>> a cup of coffee inside while waiting > >>>> > >>>> > >>>> bw > >>>> > >>>> > >>>> My question for all is does it need the last two stanzas which I added > >> this > >>>> morning? > >>>> > >>>> > >>>> Bill > >>>> > > Douglas Barbour > [log in to unmask] > https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/ > > Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuations > 2 (UofAPress). > Recording Dates (Rubicon Press). > Listen. If (UofAPress): > > > > When thugs were in power, educated people were the first > to feel their fists. It was so pathetic, really, how so much violence > came from someone feeling small. Small of mind, and it did not > matter how big the sword in hand, that essential smallness remained, > gnawing with very sharp teeth. > > the scholar Janath Anar > in Steven Eerikson’s Reaper’s Gale > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ######################################################################## > > To unsubscribe from the POETRYETC list, click the following link: > https://www.jiscmail.ac.uk/cgi-bin/webadmin?SUBED1=POETRYETC&A=1 > > This message was issued to members of www.jiscmail.ac.uk/POETRYETC, a > mailing list hosted by www.jiscmail.ac.uk, terms & conditions are > available at https://www.jiscmail.ac.uk/policyandsecurity/ > ######################################################################## To unsubscribe from the POETRYETC list, click the following link: https://www.jiscmail.ac.uk/cgi-bin/webadmin?SUBED1=POETRYETC&A=1 This message was issued to members of www.jiscmail.ac.uk/POETRYETC, a mailing list hosted by www.jiscmail.ac.uk, terms & conditions are available at https://www.jiscmail.ac.uk/policyandsecurity/