 |
 |
I like it much better, Bill. It is in the active voice and brings life to the town. Andrew On 13 April 2017 at 07:36, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote: > Thanks Doug. Will think on this. Take it you mean Slessor's The Night Ride, > > https://allpoetry.com/The-Night-Ride > > Bill > > On Thu, 13 Apr 2017 at 5:24 am, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> > wrote: > > > I think I like the sharpness (& shortness therefore) of he first, Bill; > > tough i see Andrew’s point. It got me thinking of the famous poem about > the > > Night time train station, with its final line (can’t recall the poet’s > name > > right now); but something like that would personalize it through tone… > > > > Doug > > > On Apr 12, 2017, at 4:02 AM, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> > > wrote: > > > > > > Thanks Andrew, Patrick. > > > > > > A second stab at it here: > > > > > > Daylesford 2 > > > > > > This bristling block of almost city > > > with its hipster cafes, hair salons, > > > bookshops, retro furniturers, > > > woolshops and wineshops, > > > two-storey bank buildings and > > > the arcade-banished Rex theatre, > > > eases off to country at either end. > > > > > > Two glistening fountains bracket the strip, > > > one gothic lit down the post office end, > > > one at full splash near the chainsaw shop, > > > viewable from a corner table at the Taj. > > > And always, volcanic-soiled Wombat Hill > > > looms over the Convent's grey balconies, > > > high above all-season manicured gardens. > > > > > > Mauve flowered kiss-me-quicks, > > > agapanthus spears and bluebells burst > > > from the soil. Swiss-Italian planted pines, > > > elms, red oaks, birches and copper beeches > > > share grassy gullies and steep ridges > > > with mannagums and candlebarks > > > all the way to Hepburn Springs. > > > > > > Still feels country, no dormitory town; no > > > city-linked train's trundled here since 1974. > > > Chimneys ease woodsmoke at dusk, > > > horse poo sells at the side of the road, > > > Sunday markets draw, as do parades > > > at New Year and Chillout. All generally > > > welcome under this Rainbow. > > > > > > bw > > > 12.4.17 > > > > > > Bill > > > > > > > > > On Wed, 12 Apr 2017 at 5:51 PM, Patrick McManus < > > > [log in to unmask]> wrote: > > > > > >> Thanks Bill sort of nostalgia feel to it -reminds me of when I stayed > in > > >> Nimbin > > >> > > >> kissmequicks new to me very Victorian type word > > >> > > >> > > >> On 11/04/2017 22:39, Bill Wootton wrote: > > >>> Daylesford > > >>> > > >>> Bristling block of almost city > > >>> Either end eases off to country. > > >>> Cafes, clobber, art, books, > > >>> Pottery, haircuts, furniture chic. > > >>> Two-storey bank buildings, > > >>> Rex theatre, up an arcade. > > >>> > > >>> Two glistening fountains, one > > >>> down the post office end, one near > > >>> the chainsaw shop, viewable > > >>> from a corner table at the Taj. > > >>> Wombat Hill looming over > > >>> The Convent's grey balconies. > > >>> > > >>> Mauve kissmequicks, agapanthus > > >>> and bluebells bursting from the soil, > > >>> Swiss-Italian planted pines, > > >>> elms, red oaks, copper beeches > > >>> sharing grassy gullies and ridges > > >>> with mannagums, candlebarks. > > >>> > > >>> Just a country town but not > > >>> a dormitory town; no city-linked train > > >>> since 1974. Knows the value of parades > > >>> at New Year and Chillout Festival > > >>> All generally welcome somewhere > > >>> under its Rainbow. > > >>> > > >>> bw > > >>> 12.4.17 > > >> > > > > Douglas Barbour > > [log in to unmask] > > https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/ > > > > Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuations > > 2 (UofAPress). > > Recording Dates (Rubicon Press). > > Listen. If (UofAPress): > > > > and as you read > > the sea is turning its dark pages > > turning > > its dark pages. > > > > Denise Levertov > > > -- Andrew http://hispirits.blogspot.com/ Books available through Walleah Press http://walleahpress.com.au