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Agree with Bill, not least on your recovery (& Banjo’s), Andrew. But it seems to me that some trimming will help throughout. And check whether you want caps or not at the beginning of all lines, as it’s not clear now. I do like that final image. Doug > On Oct 5, 2016, at 4:06 AM, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote: > > Thanks, Bill - thanks, Patrick. Still working on it! Douglas Barbour [log in to unmask] https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/ Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuations 2 (UofAPress). Recording Dates (Rubicon Press). Four or five couplets trying to dance into Persia. Who dances in Persia now? A magic carpet, a prayer mat, red. A knocked off head of somebody on her broken knees. Phyllis Webb