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Thanks, Max, Pat. I wanted to have two separate stanzas, the first a straight description, the second an application or exploration if you will. I've had another go : Bark Sound of scraping thick tinder dry ribbons of pink bark: kerthup pup whaaap - high on lemon-scented gum trunk, wind-whipped, dangling, then draping curlily, till the next gust. One swirl soon, tatter will snap free from home trunk cling. Unloosing from attachments to familiar territories requires surprising wrench. And after break-away, how will it feel, silently floating? bw 16.12.15 Bill On Wednesday, December 16, 2015, Patrick McManus < [log in to unmask]> wrote: > Bill thanks as Max says a bit of spacing out helped me (in a manner of > speaking!)and snap is in there!cheers P > > -----Original Message----- From: Max Richards > Sent: Tuesday, December 15, 2015 11:15 PM > To: [log in to unmask] > Subject: Re: Bark > > You like cramming perceptions in, and I respect that, Bill. > > But I also feel you’d help readers like me > > if you spaced them out a bit, > > On Dec 15, 2015, at 13:57, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote: > > Kerthup pup whaaap. >> Sound of scraping thick >> > > tinder dry ribbons of pink bark >> high on lemon-scented gum trunk, >> > > dangling, doing the whip-wind >> driven thing, then draping >> curlily till the next gust. >> >> Tricky, seeking to snap free >> from home trunk cling. >> > > Swirling visits attest >> to ongoing attachments >> in familiar territories. >> > > After >> breakaway, how will it feel, >> silently floating? >> >> bw >> > No, I haven’t found an ideal layout, sorry. Over to you. > > I do follow these dynamic images in their sequence, > making me see afresh what I’ve half noticed before. > > Maybe the ‘swirling’ sentence just by being reflective > brings about a lowering of pressure and temperature, > a shade more than suits the poem. > > Max